Feeling like a failure

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MagiksSlave -> Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 10:47:26 AM)
Master went away for the last nearly 2 weeks. He had left me with a few things to do to fill my time. Typing part of his manuscript and sewing a huge tear in his night shirt. I did the typing no problem, but the night shirt well.. its old and the fabric wasnt takeing the stitches any more and wouldnt exept a patch becuase the fabric riped so easy it just came right off. Well Master got home today and called me as soon as he did so I would know. He didnt say anything about the typing but he asked if I could drop off his night shirt. I felt so bad telling him I couldnt fix it for him. The things is he was fine about it, told me he sorta thought he may need to get a new one. But I felt so bad and I still feel so bad. Like I failed at something he needed me to do. Even though he wasnt upset with me I am, even though I know I did everything I could to save it, I still feel like I failed him and it feels so bad!!!! I dont know how to just let go say I did my best and there was nothing more I could have done and be ok with it.. I just dont know how! Magik's slave

Shantra -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 10:49:45 AM)
smiles softly.. understand... did your Master give you permission to beat yourself up over it?

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 10:53:22 AM)
You only fail what you do not try, and you tried, so you succeeded, even if the outcome was not what you wanted. Don't be so hard on yourself, your master wasn't hard on you, so take a page from his book, relax, calm down and let it go. {{hugs}}

charmdpetKeira -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 10:54:25 AM)
confused look If your Master says he does not blame you and expected he might need to get a new night shirt; would it not be in your best interest to believe him, despite how you feel about it? Are you not only human? Hope you feel better soon. Sincerely, k

darchChylde -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 10:54:30 AM)
ok, here's what Ma'am has said in similar situations just wondering, have you finally gotten all you'll ever need from your Master? is it your time to think for him? perhaps you feel he is no longer able to judge your action... CONGRATULATIONS!!! seriously, if he has not acted as if he were disappointed in you, or if he's decided not to punish you... GET OVER IT!!! it's not your place to punish yourself so stop beating yourself up go in love and peace, oren edited to add: there weren't all these wise people saying everything i had to say when i started this

crouchingtigress -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 10:59:13 AM)
you have got to get over that magic, it will get old very quickly. besides when you throw a pity party for yourself, you get to be the star of the show, the center of attention and nothing shouts its all about me louder then that icky gooey stuff. get out of the house and volunteer and a children's hospital a couple of times a week, you might be surprised at how dying children who have every reason to feel like failures and have pity party's, dont do that...and wont allow the adults around them to do that either...why? because they know its not good for healing, and getting stronger...and when you have spent the day sharing with them and their real problems, you will feel amazing, filled with new perspective and admiration, you will also connect to what is really important in the the grand scheme of things.....and then on the way home stop off at Macy's and get you Dom a new nightshirt.

bandit25 -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 11:01:27 AM)
You did the best you could, right? Well, there you go.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 11:02:36 AM)
It was the shirt that failed your Master and failed to allow itself to be repaired! You did your best and you can't always achieve a task no matter how hard you try, you yourself are not in control of the frabic. What counts is that you tried and did you best, you did not fail.

Level -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 11:06:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress you have got to get over that magic, it will get old very quickly. besides when you throw a pity party for yourself, you get to be the star of the show, the center of attention and nothing shouts its all about me louder then that icky gooey stuff. get out of the house and volunteer and a children's hospital a couple of times a week, you might be surprised at how dying children who have every reason to feel like failures and have pity party's, dont do that...and wont allow the adults around them to do that either...why? because they know its not good for healing, and getting stronger...and when you have spent the day sharing with them and their real problems, you will feel amazing, filled with new perspective and admiration, you will also connect to what is really important in the the grand scheme of things.....and then on the way home stop off at Macy's and get you Dom a new nightshirt. *agrees with the tough-love Hawaiian* Look at your perspective, ms, and as others have said, if HE's okay with it, follow his lead.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 11:09:53 AM)
Yeah, that's how I view it too. I don't think it's necessary to go volunteer at a children's hospital just to cure yourself of your self-pity. I won't go THAT far. But if your dom says it's OK, that means it's OK. End of story. You don't have the authority to determine whether you suceeded or failed. Only he does. quote: ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira If your Master says he does not blame you and expected he might need to get a new night shirt; would it not be in your best interest to believe him, despite how you feel about it?

bandit25 -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 11:12:28 AM)
Not to hijack but this is something I've never understood. Why do submissives feel badly if they can't do something? LOL! What I mean is...if you've really tried your best and you simply cannot do the task, I don't understand why you'd feel badly. It was either something that simply can't be done or something that you simply cannot do.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 11:18:21 AM)
Because they live to serve, bandit.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 11:26:47 AM)
true LAM! bandit, everything we do has pay offs, and often the feeling bad payoff means we (i say we, because all of us are guilty of this at times) : dont have to do anything well are not expected to change things get to play old records about how worthless we are get to be comfy in our comfort zone get to recieve (and often demand) sympathy from those around us get to reinforce what we have heard about our selves growning up never have to reach for the brass rings, never take risks, and never know how trully, amazing and powerful we are.

windchymes -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 11:29:26 AM)
You should feel happy for Master. Now he gets to buy a brand new nightshirt! Geez, take off the sackcloth and ashes. Clothing wears out. Life goes on.

bandit25 -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 11:29:33 AM)
I understand what you're saying amy, but I meant if you REALLY did your best. I can't see that being a failure. If one wants to feel badly because the task wasn't done, well, I even understand that. But not because one failed. How can you fail if you do your best?

Lordandmaster -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 11:52:59 AM)
Well, you'll just have to accept that many service-oriented subs feel that way, even if you don't. If they're told to do something and can't do it, they feel as though they have failed, even if they've tried their best. If you're someone who derives fulfillment from pleasing others, and you cannot please someone as requested, you are left unfulfilled.

maledave7 -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 12:01:42 PM)
I feel that you would have failed your Master if you did nothing to try to fix the shirt. You said that he thought maybe that he needed a new shirt. That he was fine with the fact that you could not fix the hole. I have at times sewed up my own shirts and pants. Sometimes I could not fix the hole and I go out buy a new one. If it would make you feel better, you could ask him if you could go out and buy him a new one.

GhitaAmati -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 12:03:56 PM)
I understand how frustrating and dissapointing it can be to not be able to do the things we would like to do for our Doms. I am not going to sit here and tell you how you SHOULD feel, or tell you to get over it. Yes, it is something you are going to have to work out, and get past, but I understand that someone just saying "get over it" itsnt going to do that for you. I would suggest though, trying to sit down calmly with him, explain to him that while you understand that he isnt upset with you for not being able to fix his shirt, you still feel like you let him down and ask him if there isnt maybe something else you could do for him to make it up to him? And see what he says. ghita amati

ThinkingKitten -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 12:18:07 PM)
Maybe the sense of failure stems from a sense of having lost control of the situation. The damned shirt wouldn't comply with her wishes, no matter how hard she tried to bend it to her will. Think about it - when given a task, unless the Dom totally micromanages the doing of the task, then the sub/slave still has at least some measure of control over it. So is it failure to do as she was told, or failure because the shirt won? I'd say the latter - so let go of it Magik. If your Dom told you to stop the world from turning, then I have no doubt at all you'd give it your best shot, but seriously, are you going to win that one either? [:)]

crouchingtigress -> RE: Feeling like a failure (6/24/2007 12:40:05 PM)
as one of the people that said"get over it" i would like to respond to you. when i said you need to get over it, i was not saying presto-changeo and poof, you can move on. i recognize that this is a mountain, and this is an obstacle for her and her relationship. this mountain can do no good, nothing good comes of beating your self up and feeling bad about anything... ever. but it can do harm, and i have see n the harm it can do. one it will begin to wear on the nerves of her owner who is not going to be pleased by sulking and worthlessness. two it will ebb away at her self esteem and the problem will magnify three it will feel to her owner as though there is a bottomless well that he needs to fill and that will exhaust him and four it allows her to not try her best, and not make clear decisions (ie:buy him a new shirt) and that will be more work for the owner then not having a slave at all....

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