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satyrsnymph28 -> The Virgin List (6/21/2007 6:45:05 PM)
I have a submissive who has absolutely no vanilla experience at all. he's never been kissed, he's never had vanilla sex. he's always just been a slave. how is it that i can teach him those things... to assert himself a little... to kiss... to have sex with someone without any kind of bdsm activity surrounding it? I adore him. this is the best possible situation I could have ever gotten myself into. I am just curious how anyone else would go about teaching these things...

DiurnalVampire -> RE: The Virgin List (6/21/2007 6:48:38 PM)
Well, start slow. Kiss him. If you want to teach him these things, make him experience them. Thats realy the only way he wil learn. But dont hold your breath on the exerting himself, that may never happen. You may always have to make the first moves, but let himsee what the proper and desired reactions would be. DV

MaamJay -> RE: The Virgin List (6/21/2007 6:53:30 PM)
I agree with DV - take it slow and easy, show him how to do these things. Make it clear that you enjoy doing it with him. As he gets a little confidence, let him know he doesn't always have to wait for you to initiate ... that you would welcome his making the first moves. Tell him what appropriate first moves would be. Give him lots of cuddles and affection, sounds like he needs it! Good luck! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

queencaliph -> RE: The Virgin List (6/21/2007 6:59:50 PM)
Never fear the Queen is here. Being the considerate Domme that I am, I will make the supreme sacrifice in training this sub for you. No no no... no need to say thank you. I'm doing this out of the kindness of my heart for a fellow Dominant Woman.[:)] In all seriousness, your right, you are in the best situation ever. Start with the basics, kissing, touching, petting and with him having no experience you can groom him to do things exactly how you want. My Goddess! do you realize how rare and wonderful it is to be able to train a man how to make love to you and not have to undo all the old habits he has learned from the past? You are fortunate indeed!

satyrsnymph28 -> RE: The Virgin List (6/21/2007 7:01:24 PM)
its a great situation... he's my first submissive (real time anyway) and i'm his first vanilla activity initiating Domme... so theres a lot to teach eachother.

slaveish -> RE: The Virgin List (6/21/2007 7:05:30 PM)
Somehow this makes me supremely .............. sad (although I am glad you wish to teach him these things.)

DiurnalVampire -> RE: The Virgin List (6/21/2007 7:06:56 PM)
Coming from that same situation with both my boys, you are going to run into a lot of frusteration. Things are not going to always go how you want. It will be slow, and he might be scared. But it wil also be amazing. Angel is still a sexual virgin, but I was his first on almost every activity. Kitten is the same, aside from having had vanilla sex once, I am his first on everything. Its wierd, but nether of them had even as much as been held before by someone romantically. The one thing I am learning, make sure you communicate very clearly what you do and dont like AS they learn it. Encourage him to try things he might want to do even if he isnt sure how you'll feel. And make sure he knows when he has made you happy, vanilla or otherwise. The rewards I get from traiing my boys from scratch far outweigh the frusterations we occasionally run up against. DV

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: The Virgin List (6/21/2007 7:09:15 PM)
Kissing , touching isn't just a vanilla thing, everyone can do it. Whether they are vanilla or not. Just as others have said introduce things slowly and see how he reacts to it.

satyrsnymph28 -> RE: The Virgin List (6/21/2007 7:11:48 PM)
I suppose its a little scary... learning and teaching at the same time... I am a very touchy feely person... and even hugging for him... well, its certainly do-able... but not in the gentle kind of way you hug if you have been hugged and giving hugs all your life.

satyrsnymph28 -> RE: The Virgin List (6/21/2007 7:17:56 PM)
oh... i didnt refer to it as vanilla... he did. he's used to things like being caged... and sleeping at the foot of the bed... and discipline. not kissing and cuddling and sex without ropes and clothespins and all sorts of other stuff...

Mystique567 -> RE: The Virgin List (6/22/2007 5:42:46 PM)
Wow what a learning experience this will be for you both

aldompdx -> RE: The Virgin List (6/22/2007 11:21:12 PM)
1. "Vanilla" is about interacting in balance, not the BDSM polarization of control and surrender. So long as you regard him for one second as "your submissive" you are perpetuating his inability to interact from a place of balance. 2. "Vanilla" relationship includes substantial intimacy, shared between to people as equals. If you do not know how to support and facilitate enhanced emotional intimacy, you cannot teach it. 3. "Vanilla" requires balance. If one is heavily biased towards one polarity, they must learn the opposite polarity to the same extent. Then they can counterbalance to get to "even." This should be nothing new for a master, who trains a slave to exercise their self will and free choice to surrender from a place of strength, wholeness, and high self esteem. One with a needy and empty heart, who bargains by giving to get, simply has nothing to share. 4. It starts by teaching how one's source of love is the only place they have ever felt it, right within their very own heart. From there, one gains greater awareness of all aspects of SELF, including their power and authority -- including the power and authority to intentionally choose to surrender.

CuriousLord -> RE: The Virgin List (6/23/2007 1:42:39 AM)
This sort of reminds me of my first kiss.. in the backseat of a car. When I was eighteen. After I'd dated the girl for about a month, and we'd been sleeping together for.. well, most of that time (sort of fuzzy now). We both looked at eachother and realized neither of us have ever kissed before. Saddest part is, I didn't get it then. I didn't understand what such an act could mean, or feel like, to a more sentimental person. I still don't, actually.

becca333 -> RE: The Virgin List (6/23/2007 1:54:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28 oh... i didnt refer to it as vanilla... he did. he's used to things like being caged... and sleeping at the foot of the bed... and discipline. not kissing and cuddling and sex without ropes and clothespins and all sorts of other stuff... It's an interesting situation when full BDSM is the norm, and 'nilla is the great mysterious unknown! Plenty of loving cuddles and caring, warm encouragement, and giggles. Don't forget giggles.

becca333 -> RE: The Virgin List (6/23/2007 1:55:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousLord This sort of reminds me of my first kiss.. in the backseat of a car. When I was eighteen. After I'd dated the girl for about a month, and we'd been sleeping together for.. well, most of that time (sort of fuzzy now). We both looked at eachother and realized neither of us have ever kissed before. Saddest part is, I didn't get it then. I didn't understand what such an act could mean, or feel like, to a more sentimental person. I still don't, actually. I find that so touching. Intimacy is so much more than sex. And so precious.

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