Fetish,Sex and Error??? (Full Version)

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Misstress80 -> Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 3:04:29 AM)

I am a Female Dom and have been for 9 years.
3 years ago i thought i had finally found the perfect sub (male) to serve me in my life.
The first year and a half was perfect,ofcurse with respect, every day i punnished him everyday i used him and had my way with him.He also cleaned up when i told him and cooked.He served me like his goddess.
2 years later i found out he has a foot fetish so i intergrate that with my own  pleasure.
Now 3 years have gone by and it seems he can not get hard without me having to shove my feet or foot or boot in his face,then when it comes to sex ,it just doesn't seem to happen anymore,and slowly his submissiveness is lacking great deal,and im feeling not so attractive to him anymore.I feel his more focused on my feet then anything else.
I asked him on this matter to see if he had changed in anyway or there was something he never told me.
He said he doesn't feel like having sex and would rather have my feet in his face.Then in another breath he say's he had that before and will eventually go away and is also because of alot of stress from uni.
But somehow i think it won't.
This has now put the BDSM life on hold for us.But i know i cann't live without it because thats some thing i need.
I would like to know what you think about this.If your sub  or Dom.  I would like to hear what your thoughts are about this situation and what you would do.



Aileen68 -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 4:11:55 AM)

It seems that he's the one controlling the direction of the relationship.
Take control back and if he can't or won't follow your rules then time to maybe release him.



m0rgan -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 4:17:57 AM)

for what it is worth, my opinion would be that all transactions are exactly that, transactions, and sometimes to get what one wants, one has to make concessions. maybe you should try a little more give and take. grant him/her a day a week for their preference, in exchange.



MHOO314 -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 5:43:05 AM)

Topping from the bottom in its purest form---
 
It sounds like to Me that there has been some communication missing---major--I cringe when I hear a Domina state that She needs to be attractive to Her boy---THAT IMHEO is giving up way too much ground and control---
 
Communication must be constant, he didn't share this or you didn't notice this, says ot Me maybe you aren't as in tune as you think. I believe that the relationship should be evaluated at least once a year as people change and their interests expand or diminish--- and I do not believe in this "one day a week you have it your way",  I am not BurgerKing.
 
 
 
 



diz -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 5:49:20 AM)

communication, compromise whatever the nature of the relationship is always necessary for a relationship to breathe, grow, flourish and for 'both' to learn from..... indifferences that make you completly unhappy and there is no working it out need walking away from. Life is far too short to be unhappy for one day!





diz -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 5:50:37 AM)

the most beautiful song I have heard in a veryyyyyyyyyyy long time.... thanks xxxxxxx



becca333 -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 5:53:10 AM)

I think he needs to learn that to be happy, he has to make you happy first.



MarkMinette -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 6:00:15 AM)

 Erectile Dysfunction can occur for many reasons (physical or mental [stress, especially from expectation to perform]). I personally have no problem, but I do accasionally use Viagra, because it desensitizes the penis, and can change a 10 minute man into someone who can fuck for 2 hrs straight. I use it as another sex toy in my arsenal.
If he is experiencing such a condition, then he may very well be focusing on what turns him on the most, in order to maximize his arousal. He may very well be telling you the truth about the stress thing. I also have a friend with erectile dysfunction that takes Cialis due to life stresses. He claims that it also boosts his confidence to perform, since it makes it easy to "get it up following a great Cialis day". Suggest an ED drug, but be careful. Many men are embarrassed asking their doctor for it, let alone having a partner request it. It could bruise an ego. Being a normally functioning man, it basically turns me into a human strap-on. If you suggest it solely as a novelty, you may easily convince him.



Misstress80 -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 6:03:59 AM)

Thanks for all your opinions ..i might go with the viagra  i like the sounds of him being a strap on dildo 24/7   could have fun with that... just need to figure out how to aproch him with that topic. :)



MarkMinette -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 6:18:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstress80

Thanks for all your opinions ..i might go with the viagra  i like the sounds of him being a strap on dildo 24/7   could have fun with that... just need to figure out how to aproch him with that topic. :)


Like I said, approach him with the idea that it is a "sex toy", and not a "cure for inferiority". Many men will see it this way. BTW...it also works on many women (engorges the clitoris with blood). Not all women, but about half statistically. Maybe you could get the prescription for yourself and suggest he take it as well (a togetherness thing). It comes in 3 standard doses...25mg, 50mg, and 100mg. They all cost the same price. Get the doc to prescribe the 100mg pill, and split them in half. They will go twice as far.



Stephann -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 6:18:58 AM)

I'll offer a different perspective...

Take a break from the BDSM elements, and focus on developing the more romantic elements.  I'm not saying don't be yourself, I'm suggesting an injection of 'together' time.  Dinner, dancing, a vacation together, camping, whatever it takes to break the daily routine.  Cut loose and have some fun.  BDSM isn't a replacement for genuine intimacy.

Give it a week, and I'll bet you're back in the saddle... so to speak.

Stephan



MarkMinette -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 6:25:32 AM)

 I was in the local pub one afternoon where I frequent. I made mention to a half dozen of my friends that I use Viagra. I was razzed for quite a while. A few of their wives were present as well. In the couple of weeks that followed, I had two wives approach me asking questions, having taken a serious interest, because "real men don't need that shit", or so they've been told.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 7:27:58 AM)

I would say it sounds simply as if his fetish has been allowed to go from an occasional thing into a full blown fetish- with all the downsides that go with it.  He can get hard and perform fine- but only in the presence of feet.  Typical fetish behavior.

The fetish has taken over everything else.  I agree that you guys need to 'reset' the relationship and its sexuality between you both.  Have a good conversation with him to discuss exactly what he wants and needs out of this relationship so you are both on the same page and then work towards getting that.  In the future, just be wary of allowing the fetish to take such a stronghold.



MarkMinette -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 8:02:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

He can get hard and perform fine- but only in the presence of feet.  Typical fetish behavior.

I got the impression that even his fetish no longer worked to gain an erection.



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 8:22:55 AM)

A lot of time invested in that boy of yours,sounds like you need to take the bull by the horns and let him know after all it is all about you.IT matter not a fuck if he wants to perform or not he needs to snap up" to attention when everrrrrr you wish..bounty



diz -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 9:04:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I'll offer a different perspective...

Cut loose and have some fun. 

Stephan


 
 
 
 
This I could only applaud, some people lose sight of this element in a relationship.



MaamJay -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/19/2007 10:25:56 AM)

I agree with Stephan's suggestion to cut loose and try to find the reset button. However, having suffered life with a fetishist (a CD not a foot fetish but not so dissimilar), I fear You may be fighting a losing battle. In his case a little initial encouragement (aimed at tolerance, acceptance, working it in with what I wanted ... sound familiar?) similarly went a long way to the point where it became ALL about the fetish and NOTHING about Me! In fact with him it was worse if anything, as he could indulge his fetish of cross-dressing, dancing in the rain in high heels etc entirely without Me! At least Your boy still wants Your feet! And at least he did originally treat You like a Goddess and has some successful submissive behaviour to try to recapture. Mine didn't ... which is why he is now My EX-hubby.

I honestly don't see this as a case of ED and therefore don't really think the drugs are going to do much for the situation except perhaps cloud it. And I also honestly think the stress from Uni is a red herring, it's not the cause. I wish You the very best and I hope that if You do cut loose You CAN find the reset button ... but if You can't ... You either resign Yourself to "this is how it is and it's unlikely to get better" or You use that boot to propel him out of Your life.

Wish I had brighter comments for You but I don't, been there, done that and I never want to be involved with a fetishist again!

Maam Jay



Misstress80 -> RE: Fetish,Sex and Error??? (6/20/2007 3:29:52 AM)

MaamJay , your story sounds some what familiar... hmmm   i think it just hasn't gotten as far as your situation because his not flexable enough to put his own feet in his face....lol...and when that day comes i think i will dig out my steel cap boots and give him the biggest kick he ever had in his life.
But it is more the less like your story and sometimes i do feel left out.I have approched him and talked to him about it,and his reaction was that he went to tears.Or i was so pissed at him i just made him cry to make me feel better i dunno... sometimes i can be a bitch but i cann't help it.
So i am taking the following advice and giving BDSM a break for a while,i can not say i'll put it off for ever because that would just be denying myself and who i am.So there will be some air to breath for the both of us,i had booked a holiday for september and am hoping it might have a small improvement.
In the meantime i will also between now and then bring up the issure of him maybe getting a bit of help to keep his erection up longer than4-5 minutes.He may have a problem with that and i think doesn't want to see it.
Keep the suggestions comming in.

Misstress80



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