RE: Should I be worried about what age?

RE: Should I be worried about what age? (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 11:43:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl Well perhaps that the gist of the problem, biologically (some?) woman desire someone for forever (maby its all the fairytales we were fed) but realistically our charms dying put a time constraint on how long our mate biologically desires us in a sexual way. depressing, but i suppose its another important hurdle to face, perhaps I should just enjoy the time that is given to me rather than trying to destroy something good "at this moment" out of self-protection. I would say that relationships can grow old and stale in a sexual way on both sides of the gender coin. As far as losing your sexual appeal to the opposite sex any time soon, I would not worry about it, I am nearly 40 and I have been asked out three times in the last month, once from a customer, once from someone that works out at my gym, and someone that works where I do. I am involved with someone that finds me very sexually attractive and he is only 6 years older than I am. Most men tend to find women close to their age appealing, although there are those who are fixated on youth.... If I were you I would not worry excessively about being tossed aside for a younger model just because you found one person that might have this fetish. This is not a BDSM thing btw, you keep stating that it has something to do with BDSM, it doesn't. There are men that are like this that are vanilla... the middle aged balding paunchy upper middle class asshole with gold chains, a red sports car, and a youngish bimbo on his arm after the divorce is not a cliche for no reason.... Just as the saying "I traded my 40 year old wife in for two 20s" is only halfway a joke....

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 12:03:43 PM)
I agree that this is a real concern that needs to be discussed directly. They always say one of the best predictors of future behavior is past behavior. Why is he at his age and not in a long term secure relationship? Has he ever been? Why or why not? Why did the other relationships end? I have no problem with him being hot for the young ones, or part of why he's hot is because your young. Flames of youth can certainly burn into long glowing coals of satisfying relationships. But that will depend on whether he has changed or is willing to change his patterns. Take it slow and easy and make sure this feels right for you.

MHOO314 -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 12:45:39 PM)
Is Mod 11 on vacation????

BrutalMasterOne -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 1:01:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl I have a question, it sort of borders on the edge of bdsm and relashionshipos but its been bugging me incredibly and id like some real life/bdsm lifestyle insight. I am ina great realshionship as a sub with someone I met a while ago. I have never experienced something so gratifying and natural in my life, we are incredible happy. We seem to be getting incredibly into each other, love is definatly something on the tip of my tongue. My problem deals with my insecurity about the situation, he is 14 years older , I am in my mid 20s. I have realized that most of my relashionships have always invoilved the older guy and thats something thats always turned me on. However with this new guy, I keep noticing how he keeps fixating on the "younger girl" idea, many of his relkahsionships have involved an almost teen girls, and it is something that turns him on in the bedroom. I dont feel like that he only thing hes looking for but I have noticed it with increasing frequency in our conversations, also he specifically was looking for sometone who mazximum was only a year older than my age. My problem is that I feel as if hed never take look at me if i was a couple of years older, im starting to feel like I will most likely be discarded when I reach an age that doesnt make me the younger girl anymore. Is this something I just need to accept, thats once I become an older, mature woman I will stop turning him on anymore?. I feel as if I will inevitable be desexualized in the eyes of him and that perhaps I should maintain as much distance from my heart as possible. , Should I break this relashionship out of concern for my well being? Being desexualized in his eyes would completely break me, any advice from older doms , subs would really really be apprecuiated, im going crazy with thses thoughts at the moment. Now here is something I can speak of with a good deal of confidence and security having been involved in just this sort of thing. If he is as you describe then you would be well advised to drop him. Some men as you put it, "desexualized" someone who does not fit what they are looking for. It is a sad commentary on my fellow men, but many of us seek only the glamorized and perfect female. My experience has been that it is the soul that matters and that if the mind set is right all else falls into place. One of my slaves continually worries that the young one will capture my heart in spite of my assurances to the contrary, so there you have the corollary to your situation. My answer to your question is that if the relationship is founded on a firm foundation then the building will survive earthquakes and tremors, but if built on shaky ground, well you know the results.

mnottertail -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 1:10:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 Is Mod 11 on vacation???? Probably hands in the air in quiet desperation, nursing a fuckin' migrane. Well, love; all is not lost, let us repair to the drawing room for martinis.... Take my arm, m'lady. Ron

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 1:13:20 PM)
Hammer and nails in hand repair to the drawing room? ...ok whats the matter with it?.....

juliaoceania -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 1:46:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 Is Mod 11 on vacation???? I sincerely want to ask....huh? why would she be needed on this thread, I can't see one TOS violation... perhaps I am missing something?

Quivver -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 4:23:26 PM)
I dont think anything is ever set in stone. With that said, I would feel exactly like you are. The problem with that is we tend to loose some self esteem when we precieve a flaw. That perception of ours many times will allow just what we are worried about to happen. Trusting your gut is hard, I think even more so as a Sub .. but we have no choice. If something is eating at you, find the words and spit them out . . . to him. Keep your head up, you are young!! My Best to You..........

dawntreader -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 5:19:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl Well perhaps that the gist of the problem, biologically (some?) woman desire someone for forever (maby its all the fairytales we were fed) but realistically our charms dying put a time constraint on how long our mate biologically desires us in a sexual way. depressing, but i suppose its another important hurdle to face, perhaps I should just enjoy the time that is given to me rather than trying to destroy something good "at this moment" out of self-protection. You are not guarenteed tommorow so enjoy today~

dawntreader -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 5:22:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy Dearest op....Please diregard everything mentioned by these bitter and jaded women.....Unlike you, they went straight from 13 to 42....They know nothing of what you speak of.....For they are all whores, You are such a romantic! swoons

zumala -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 5:23:16 PM)
I think you've gotten the best advice possible on this question more than once already. Be direct and ask him. As for age... I turned 30 last week and I haven't suddenly gained wrinkles and 50 pounds overnight. Age is relative. Actually, I've started working out and changing a few habits, because it is my intention to look hotter at 30 than I did at 29. So nuts to age! zuma

Griswold -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 5:34:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dawntreader If he is older, you will always be younger... This is true, but let's not forget...if she's younger, he'll always be older.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 7:48:26 PM)
Did you know that 30 is the NEW 20 and that 50 is the NEW 40??...[;)]...but seriously actions speak louder than words..what do his actions tell you?..Tempting

Faramir -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 8:10:19 PM)
How about this: if you ask a bunch of strangers on the internet "Should I dump my relationship because of X issue," then the pessimists here will tell you one thing, and the more optomistic ones another, and all that does is tell you about the nature of the people answering--nothing about what you should do. You and your partner are the only ones with an investment and agency in your relationship.

Sinergy -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 8:32:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub Did you know that 30 is the NEW 20 and that 50 is the NEW 40??...[;)]...but seriously actions speak louder than words..what do his actions tell you?..Tempting I get mistaken for being early 30s all the time. Go figure. Sinergy

MaamJay -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 8:37:48 PM)
OK, I agree, you should talk to Him about it. After all, He's only about 40 by your figures, that's hardly ancient! And there's a lot of guys that don't settle down much before that age ... perhaps He's been looking for the right person, the right sub to come along, and that might be you! Another thought did cross My mind, is it possible He's trying to build up to discussing a Daddy/daughter kind of bdsm relationship but doesn't know how to bring the topic up in case you hate the idea? That is one possible reason why an older Dom might deliberately seek a younger sub and there's nothing necessarily wrong with that. It only becomes a problem if he wants to trade you in on a new daughter later! The only solution is to talk this out with Him. As far as age and sexual attraction ... well i am 15 years OLDER than my Master ... and yes, there are times when i ask Him, how will You feel about me when i'm 70 and You're only 55 ... or 80 and You're 65 ... and He tells me He intends to feel the same way as He does today. However, He realises there might be some functional reversal in that He might have to physically take care of me! As far as sex goes ... well i could still use more LOL ... the attraction isn't a problem as it's never been based around my youth and beauty LOL ... stamina seems to be the only issue. Age is really only what you choose to make of it ... about the only time W/we experience an age gap is in musical taste ... and W/we simply compromise and share! I wish you well! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 11:41:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav Hammer and nails in hand repair to the drawing room? ...ok whats the matter with it?..... General Rules for Repairing anything If it's not broke don't try to fix it. If you can't fix, break it some more. if you can break it some more, send it back and hope it's under warrantee. if you can't break it, drag it off to your basement for part of your spring cleaning project. Never send anything right away to the shop for repair without first trying to fix it yourself. The shop will only rip you off by claiming to fix shit that was never broken at all. You know, kinda like all the Midas shops in America do. Always Look first to see if it was made in China, and you'll know if it's worth the effort or not. Be careful when trying to fix things with Hammers and Nails made in China, always wear safey googles and gloves. Never know when the hammer might fall apart and break, the nails are prone to bending and breaking! When all else fails, leave it sit there as an unfinished project for a rainy day. Never pawn off broken things to the Salvation Army for others to deal with, unless you are a sadist and enjoy tormenting other people with the shit you can't fix yourself.

canupleaseme -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/13/2007 11:52:59 PM)
I can understand why you would be worried about this. I think I would be too if there had been a history of a lot of relationships with younger girls. I agree that voicing your concerns is the best idea. I think we all have types we have always gone for in anything and sometimes something happens that breaks that pattern it could well be that he has met you and your his everything and he isnt even thinkin about getting a newer model when the time comes. Personally Ive only ever gone for men in their 30's and refused to date anyone younger. Now I'm with my boy who is 5 years younger than me. The age difference isnt that much but its very new to me and I admit that sometimes I sit and think fuck I'm sure you will wake up one day and think what am I doing with this old lady lol but thats the chance we take in relationships. You never know whats round the corner, he could finish you for any reason anytime life is like that I'd tell him how you feel then try not to worry about it babe enjoy what you are having and deal with anything else when it comes up

frustratinggirl -> RE: Should I be worried about what age? (6/14/2007 8:43:33 AM)
I tend to thouroughly overthink things sometimes. I have communicated my insecurity and was honestly told that it does depend on me being physically attractive though not necessarily my age, we all have a right to seek attributes that we know we desire, and we all have a responsibility to communicate them to our partners whether it harms our egos or not, I suppose is the lesson I learned from this discussion. Complicated question, simple answer. Thank you all for your kind responses.

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