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Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 9:45:50 AM   
frustratinggirl


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline 		I have a question, it sort of borders on the edge of bdsm and relashionshipos but its been bugging me incredibly and id like some real life/bdsm  lifestyle insight.

I am ina  great realshionship as a sub with someone I met a while ago.  I have never experienced something so gratifying and natural in my life, we are incredible happy.  

We seem to be getting incredibly into each other, love is definatly something on the tip of my tongue.

My problem deals with my insecurity about the situation, he is 14 years older , I am in my mid 20s. I have realized that most of my relashionships have always invoilved the older guy and thats something thats always turned me on.

However with this new guy, I keep noticing how he keeps fixating on the "younger girl" idea, many of his relkahsionships have involved an almost teen girls, and it is something that turns him on in the bedroom.  I dont feel like that he only thing hes looking for but I have noticed it with increasing frequency in our conversations, also he specifically was looking for sometone who mazximum was only a year older than my age.

My problem is that I feel as if hed never take  look at me if i was a couple of years older, im starting to feel like I will most likely be discarded when I reach an age that doesnt make me the younger girl anymore.  

Is this something I just need to accept, thats once I become an older, mature woman I will stop turning him on anymore?.

I feel as if I will inevitable be desexualized in the eyes of him and that perhaps I should maintain as much distance from my heart as possible.

, Should I break this relashionship out of concern for my well being? Being desexualized in his eyes would completely break me, any advice from older doms , subs would really really be apprecuiated, im going crazy with thses thoughts at the moment.
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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 9:47:54 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		If he is older, you will always be younger...

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 9:50:36 AM   
Rose4Mistress


Posts: 162
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline 		It would honestly depend on the relationship, IMO.  We all have a specific preference, and if he is attracted to younger girls, thats just part of who he is.  If he is wonderful and sweet to you, then you shouldn't be worried that you will be discarded as you age.  Talk to him, express your concerns, and see what he says.  If he loves you, then he loves YOU, not the age you are.  You might be gorgeous to the Nth degree to him now, but physical looks don't last all that long in the scheme of things, and we all age.
Best of luck to you!

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 9:58:21 AM   
frustratinggirl


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline 		I guess i should have clarified, a desire for having someone in the teenageish/early 20s  age does not necesarily change  pending on what age the guy is, if thats a necesary fetish then i (as anyone) is hopeless in the long run, is that something that I should be prepared for i suppsoe the question is.

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 9:58:34 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I would be concerned about this if I were you, just being honest. If he has a history of being with extremely young women he may indeed be the type to wander where his eyes roam. I would ask what his history in relationships is, and unless he has shown a lot of propensity for personal growth, this would weigh heavily on my mind in building a relationship with him

Now many many men are sexually aroused by youth, but their arousal does not direct the path of whom they want to be involved with. I know that young women appeal to my Daddy on a sexual (what he calls his rat brain) level. I play into this sexually at times and it is great fun... I accept this facet of who he is and I do not think he is unusual to like porn involving younger women and that sort of thing. He does not date such women though. His long term relationship experiences all tend to be with women a few years older than him, so from past experience I know that transitory sexual attraction is not going to cause him to dump a relationship he is happy in emotionally speaking. If he was into young women to the extent that you state, that would be a major red flag for me. Other people maybe different in how they feel about such things. Most of all I would trust my gut if I were you.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/13/2007 9:59:12 AM >

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 10:01:06 AM   
Rose4Mistress


Posts: 162
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline 		It depends on how obsessive the fetish is.  I personally, have a huge fetish for gothic people.  There is just something about them that is an instant turn on for me.  Always has been, always will be....BUT the one I am in a relationship is nothing close to goth.  If he had a label, he would be best described as a nerd.  One Mistress I am currently talking to is a cowgirl....
Again, talking is the key.  Talk to him, find out what he thinks about your concerns.  From there, that will be your clue as to how this relationship will play out.  But if you are already so frightened by this idea, why would you be in a relationship with someone you are frightened would leave you?

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 10:17:40 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Like Julia said, I would ask about his previous relationships, especially the length and seriousness of them.  You'll be able to tell from his answers how serious he is about building something or if he tends to move from one girl to another in rapid succession.

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 10:27:53 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		The only way you'll really be able to work on this is to talk to him and ask him all these questions. Let him know that you are feeling insecure....but ask him to be honest about what he wants and feels. In the end, you can only go by his word...and he might not say what he really feels because he doesn't want to admit it or hurt you. In that case, you have to pay attention to what he does and base your actions and reactions on that.

Master Fire


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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 10:31:13 AM   
frustratinggirl


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advice, really needed it

Its hard to tell with his  history, he seems to have a few  long term relashionships and at the same time nsa flings as well.  I just dont want to wake up one morning and realize hes not turned on by me anymore because im not in my 20s anymore, perhaps im a little immature at understanding a male perspective in bdsm or any relashionship for that matter, but that is a concern of mine, im a little delicate in that emotional department for some reason lately, started to wonder whether I should perhaps stay away from the older men and seek someone who doesnt have that sort of priority in a partner.

Any male gender perspectives out there ?

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 10:31:45 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		I am 14 years older than my partner.  The age difference was just the luck of the draw and has never really mattered in our relationship.  What I read in your post is that you are concerned that in a couple of years you may get tossed for the next young thing.  I would suggest you need to have a serious discussion with him about this.  You may just have to point blank ask him, "What happens when I am 30?".

K

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 10:32:32 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

he seems to have a few  long term relashionships and at the same time nsa flings as well. 


As in open relationships or cheating?


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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 10:34:02 AM   
frustratinggirl


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

he seems to have a few  long term relashionships and at the same time nsa flings as well. 


As in open relationships or cheating?


no as in one or the other, not at the same time

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 10:39:36 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Sometimes things that we don't see are right in front of us--if you are questioning now, you will question then--its time for a hard heart to heart as they say---however it can be said of you as well---will you still be there when he is 70?

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 6/13/2007 10:56:29 AM >

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 10:45:08 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		I'm afraid i have some experience with this...my husband of 24 years is no longer attracted to me physically. I know this because he has told me. I didnt have the luxury of knowing before hand like you do. I will say my husband still loves me and cares very much for me, but it is not like it was....and it did change me when my husband said he no longer found me attractive....it wounded me to my soul...and the scar tissue is there...i feel it. 
"Being desexualized in his eyes would completely break me,"
So i get this statement from you.... i would avoid this kind of hurt if you can...its not the kind that goes away very easily.

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 10:46:12 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Age is relative only if you seek a partner to live your life and die with,Most men are attractive to younger women it is something in our DNA,To seek a slave to keep the line going so to speak.I have my life mate here with me she is 40 about 22 years younger then I.I don't seek out the younger girl they seek out me...For an ol' ugly master I seem to be the magnet that attracts them.IF you are happy in your relationship and his attraction for the "girlys"doesn't affect it.. then I wouldn't worry about it.....Just the views of this ol'master

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 11:26:02 AM   
frustratinggirl


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline 		Well perhaps that the gist of the problem,
biologically (some?) woman desire someone for forever (maby its all the fairytales we were fed)  but realistically our charms dying put a time constraint on how long our mate biologically desires us in a sexual way.

depressing, but i suppose its another important hurdle to face, perhaps I should just enjoy the time that is given to me rather than trying to destroy something good "at this moment" out of self-protection.





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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 11:31:34 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		the longest relationship i've ever had...a whopping 1 1/2 years of 24/7...my ex was 24 years older than me...and as i made preperations for the rest of OUR lives he joked about trading me in for a new model....and then thru some massive deceptions he did...then i found out 6 months after he did so that he married a woman "his own age"...though i wish i could pick his brain apart and figure out what brand of crazy he was...i am still working on moving on...one of those first love things i guess...
anyway...the original topic...he was not even my oldest older partner...i was with someone else who was 30 years older than me...and my age meant nothing to him, at least i assumed because he had slaves of all ages...i was released when another very jealous slave decided she just wanted a closed triad so no more other slaves...i am still shocked that he let her do it...
so...from one side to the other, they are all out there...its like almost any other relationship issue, it can be solved by 3 things...communication communication and communication

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 11:35:03 AM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		Young lady...you must look inside yourself. Forget age...it is always about the connection and how you feel inside. To allow yourself to seek a relationship (collar?) and with how you feel...the answer is in your heart. Yes, it is always a bit of a risk...but think of the rewards. .

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 11:37:27 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Dearest op....Please diregard everything mentioned by these bitter and jaded women.....Unlike you, they went straight from 13 to 42....They know nothing of what you speak of.....For they are all whores,

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RE: Should I be worried about what age? - 6/13/2007 11:42:28 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I wonder if anyone could really know what is going on here, if he is fucking around with the NSA well-----there could be subterfuge.



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