Taking time off from "the scene"

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Taking time off from "the scene"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Taking time off from "the scene"

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/12/2007 11:28:40 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

I have decreased my play (and play partners) over the past year and traded that for a long term relationship. I couldn't be happier with that exchange! But I have been more active in the community than ever and certainly contemplate going "underground" sometimes. Though that would really only be in public as my familial and romantic Leather relationships cannot be turned off.

Just curious how many of you have ever felt the need to take some time off from whatever your involvement is in BDSM? Was this time off only from the public scene or was it in private as well? What were the reasons for your hiatus? What brought you back?

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

Post #: 1

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 12:11:08 AM

silvermuse

Posts: 259
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline

For Master and I we both stepped back from BDSM play for a time, but not from the D/s bond between us. My health had crashed and it was not possible to play. Then my work load grew by the power of ten, Master's wasn't behind that. We quite frankly became too tired for it.

The D/s between us became more subdued as time went on. I was traveling so much for work, then coming back and having to focus on A, the kids, and B work, that there wasn't much left for anything else. Add to that the stress we were under with a top that was living with us. If Master did a hard scene with me (one where I dropped hard into sub head space) he'd have to be home the following day in case the Top tried to take advantage of the situation.

Things have been easing back into place for both Master and I in the last 2 weeks as that top has now left. We're more relaxed now, and it's become almost natural to revert back to how things were between us before the top lived with us.

muse

_____________________________

There is darkness and there is evil, never mistake the two.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 2

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 12:56:42 AM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I'd say stepping back is extremely common. In some people the "urge" for BDSM ebbs and flows, and that's a reason in itself. For those involved in the scene, the politics can get too much, and people take a break. For Master and me, we are just emerging from a period where we were keeping a low profile. We were running play parties for about 5 years and it all got a bit much so we needed a break. We didn't entirely disappear, just kept our heads down, and are now feeling re energized and ready to get into it again. It's great, because our toys are looking fresh and new, evil ideas have been percolating, and new people have popped up while we've been "absent"
:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to silvermuse)

Post #: 3

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 1:01:04 AM

farieanne

Posts: 65
Joined: 2/24/2007
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

for my Master and i the D/s part of our relationship is just how Wwe work so i don't think Wwe could take a break from it, not that Wwe want to. As to the BDSM part it is almost as natural as the D/s part. Wwe do not "play" per se. or scene. BDSM is just part of Oour intiment life so it would be odd taking a break from it.

As for the community, so far Wwe have not had a desire to take a step back but then Wwe don't see them as BDSM community, they are just our friends who happen to like the same things Wwe do. It would be like saying do you ever want to stop socializing with your buddies. LoL!

< Message edited by farieanne -- 6/13/2007 1:04:00 AM >

_____________________________

Master Peter's

"A woman will always sacrifice herself if you give her the opportunity. It is her favourite form of self-indulgence.” - William Somerset Maugham

(in reply to silvermuse)

Post #: 4

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 1:24:09 AM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

I haven't quite worked out yet whether it's time for me to start thanking people for the fish, but I tend to be more waning than waxing.

Don't get me wrong, I've had some great times, met some truly wonderful people, great experiences and learnt so much about myself, my life, about other people and life in general that I doubt I could have learned as much by any other means. I've tried so many things, lots of them, been there, done that, got the T-shirt so to speak.

I think this is because of two things. Firstly I've never really lived, ate, slept BDSM, but have tended to remain on the fringes, I've never really been a 'scene' person. Secondly I think this has been because I've been more of a service type submissive rather than a play type of submissive, and I'm getting older, my priorities in life are changing, and I'm not really one for repetition or routine.

But this is more of a shift, as I am still submissive and it still remains an integral part of my life, but I'm looking for new forms of expression and newer experiences.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 5

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 5:03:26 AM

salilus

Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

We step back from it sometimes. We don't much care for drama, for one thing and if we're not having fun, why bother? We socialise in our community because we enjoy it; it adds something good. If it stops doing that, it stops being worth it and we just don't force it.

I was the same way before I was owned as well.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 6

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 5:52:15 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

I have stepped back in the past at different out of necessity (recovery from an accident, family illness) and by choice (burnout from local drama, after a breakup, etc.) But many of my good friends are from the local community, so I'm never fully cut off or that far away from it, and I always come back. I agree with the ebb and flow description from earlier.

(in reply to salilus)

Post #: 7

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 6:02:48 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

Just curious how many of you have ever felt the need to take some time off from whatever your involvement is in BDSM? Was this time off only from the public scene or was it in private as well? What were the reasons for your hiatus? What brought you back?

We've taken time off many times. In reality we sort of are now. Not from BDSM because it is who we are. However from the public scene. Beyond hosting our own munches and parties, no one see's us anywhere.
Reason being. With our hectic schedules we don't have the time nor inclination to appease complete strangers just because they need some entertainment.
Of course we always get together with friends. The rest..screw em.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 8

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 6:07:14 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

At the height of my involvement I was running a BDSM group, plus the partner in a BDSM public playspace in my town and doing lots of stuff in San Francisco as well. I deeply value my time in the scene but I don't do as much now. I rarely attend munches, there is only one group who's parties I attend and I rarely attend functions in SF now.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 9

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 6:28:24 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

DIANE and I have sorta of backed off the scene a bit,WE had groups and Munch's to run and a dungeon where she had her pro dom business.After theses years for me I have become bored yes bored,I never thought I would hear myself say that but its so..WE have taken a hiatus for several years and now back into things.I believe it helps taking time off to clear the air I know in our case it has done so...bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 10

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 6:40:23 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I have never "backed off" in my private life but I have withdrawn from the local community when the BS of it and some of the members was too much negative stress.

If we move to a place where we are close to a community again I will get involved again but I will resist taking on any leadership role. (right.... cause that works so well with my personality)

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 11

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 8:00:53 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

i have taken time off of the scene, i think it's common and many people do it for many reasons.

i've done it after getting out of a "relationship" and i've done it because i just havn't felt up to par physically. i think people do it all the time, i mean i'm not actively participating in private as much as i'd like to be due to my workload and even though i'm stressed beyond belief and need to scene more often than not these days i just dont have the time.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 12

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 9:10:36 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

My time off has been about leadership and "doing" for the community. This means, though, that my participation in the groups also waned (because if I go, I allow myself to get sucked into doing stuff!). So, my public play has decreased a LOT. I also don't play that much in public at big events, either, mostly because I find the spaces to be of uncomfortable energy. I did play in public at SELF, but it was short and we both agreed that we couldn't really get in the right headspace. The private play was much more intense.

It was good to see you , BTW...and I know realize that I even called you by the wrong screen name. SORRRRYYYY!

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 13

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 9:36:19 AM

bliss1

Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline

Yes - I think all of us take time off from time to time.
Life events just dictate such actions. Even in a vanilla relationship there are ebbs and flows. Why would those of us in the D/s-bdsm world be exceptions to a natural part of a relationship development?

_____________________________

Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 14

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 10:12:34 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

I take 'time off' all the time. I get stressed, harassed, slandered, and sometimes, just to tired of the drama, that I just take a few BIG steps back and forget about lifestyle things for a bit. This lifestyle is so big and has so many different facets that at times it can be a bit overwhelming; I am only NOW really getting back into things after taking a break to get healthy; if it was not for my current SO, I might take a few steps back again.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to bliss1)

Post #: 15

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 10:14:38 AM

SlaveSubtoserve

Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

....yup- definitely time off from the public scene which i do ebb and flowing anyways, but only involuntarily off from the private pursuit due to the usual life events= elderly parental medical issues, job issues, etc.

(in reply to bliss1)

Post #: 16

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 10:24:41 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I wanted to add that I actually don't ever take time off from the lifestyle...I'm in a commited lifestyle relationship and this lifestyle is part of who I am at the core. There is not takeing time off. It's the group activities and public play that I retreat from on occassion. Hope that's a little clearer.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 11:53:20 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I'm working two jobs at the moment. I'm really tired all the time. Our sex life has waned a little bit and with it our BDSMish activities have as well. I guess it's not fun to beat someone who's yawning and has dark circles under her eyes? I'm not really that involved in the scene. I'm a member of one group and I actually get to attend some sort of event like once a month on a good month. I'm just getting to know people at my own pace I guess which due to my schedule is really slow.

If I ever joined a group and began to feel like I was once again in high school, I wouldn't hesitate to leave a negative environment. I look forward to getting to know more and more people though.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 18

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 12:06:52 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Like Tammy Jo, I've never "taken time off from the scene" but I have taken time to really step away from the public forum to recoup. I put a LOT of myself out there in Baltimore, and the scene is fabulous and it was worth all the effort, but I really didn't get much back for it. So when we moved, I felt drained and not at all ready to get myself all settled into something.

A year later, I'm still wading out- but I've gotten to know people, go to some regular events, make plans.

I always cringe when someone feels the need to make an announcement that they are leaving, or worse "leaving the scene FOREVER!" or when they bounce back and forth repeatedly- to me it seems that they just can't find a place of calm and balance in their lives and keep running back and forth trying to find answers that are only found within.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 19

RE: Taking time off from "the scene" - 6/13/2007 12:38:31 PM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

When I left my first BDSM relationship after 1-1/2yrs I took about 6 months off.
Other than participating in this forum I didn't do much of any kind of contact with people in the BDSM world.
A vanilla man who expressed he wanted to learn about BDSM from me brought me back.
He's a good friend now & I'm glad he pulled me back into the community last November.
suzanne

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Taking time off from "the scene"

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.172