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SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: So i'm being a total asshole and impatient (6/10/2007 3:02:42 PM)
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i remembered writing this on a blog i do on yahoo sometimes......i thought i would share it.... lazy sundays sundays....i believe they are a day of rest and i am so lucky to have a job that does not require work on weekends....it amazes me how plans change though...the days i have plans for such things as chores and housework turn into lazy napping reading thinking days instead....if my body is refreshed, my mind demands the same and i have learned to allow the moods to rule what i do...as long as they dont yell quit your job and hitchhike all over the country i figure no harm is done... and i wonder if i am too comfortable alone...never having to give anyone elses moods any thought...i feel almost selfish, yet i delight in being the queen of my own castle....i long for the touch of someone and shudder at the thought of sharing my space when i am so accustomed to solitude...having been married for all my adult life until a few years ago, i wonder am i normal or crazy...i often thought folks choosing to be single were strange, yet i find my self thinking i could never give up one moment of solitude that i desire..... i try not to think about it most days but today it is bugging me for some reason, so i turn to this silly blog which is never read by anyone but me and type, hoping for the answers, yet knowing what they are already in some ways.... i used to think my dream man was one that would come to me and complete me, take care of me, want to be with me always, we would do everything together... now he is someone who comes when i need him, leaves when i dont want him around, does his own thing as i do mine, yet it is still a completion of me...both of us separate entities, content alone, yet the coming together is a most wonderful thing too....whether for dinner or talking or sex or projects around the house, it is enjoyable in a way we both desire immensely, yet still crave our own space, a cave to crawl into and be alone with our thoughts and minds and memories and desires and questions..... lawd i think im gonna be single for a long long time because i do not think such a soul exists..........amazing how typing cures me for a while...and i am glad to be going back to work tomorrow to occupy my wandering lazy mind... lazy sundays.....such sweet curses given to us huh?
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