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WhiplashSmile -> RE: Is the personality type you search for really what you want? (6/8/2007 8:18:51 PM)
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ORIGINAL: Noah
I have never searched for a personality type. It seems like a pretty weak way to go about things.
Excellent point Noah! I totally agree with you 100% on this. In terms of searching online vs. the real time, I feel/believe many people go about it backwards online compared to how they do it in the real time.
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I try to open myself to who and what the world presents, and to try to make some music where the resonation is most compelling, you might say.
The proverbial, do we click or not. Regardless of what one is looking for, what's important is how feel the spark and click is there.
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It may be brief or enduring, deep or shallow, broad or narrow. I wonder if my habit of seeing people as uniquely inspirited individuals rather than asinstances of psychological "types" has helped me avoid the syndrome described over and over here, that of serial, similar, crap relationships?
I think too many people fight the natural current by matching people up to a series of multiple choice check boxes. The definitions of these check boxes are not always clear or carry the same meaning from person to another. There's a difference between getting to know somebody and trying to label them. When we start labeling people we tend to close doors on getting to know them. Basically we cast judgement upon somebody else. It's best to let the people we are getting to know share their own labels they identify with with us, instead of us labeling them. But this is just my own thought on the matter.
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To my way of seeing, encountering another person as "an alpha male" or as "an A type" or as "a natural submissive" is pretty close to encountering them as a nigger or a kyke or a fag or a piece of ass. The sin in each case is to consider a person an object, first--a means rather than an end, to put it in Kantian terms. To me it is the same sort of sin whether the theoretical object which stands in our mind for the person in front of us it is an object of racial prejudice or an object of quasi-scientific analysis.
Oh the Bias of Labels. When we label somebody, along with it comes our own definition of the label. Labels are a great way to be prejudgemental with other people. If somebody labels themselves as such and such, we should ask questions and explore the meaning deeper. So we understand what the label means to the person we are dealing with. Not assume it's the same meaning we hold in our own heads.
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Though while of the same type of course these sins can vary in severity.
Ohhh.. we are all guilty of this to some degree. At some point in time we all have done or been subject to this. We have falsely labeled or been labeled at some point in time.
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I don't know how one loves a type, for one thing, and I suspect that how one loves a type is .... not so well. And that the "type" you choose to engage with (seen--as shown by your language--as being prior to the person who represents the type) doesn't do an entirely great job of loving you back, well, that doesn't surprise me. I doubt "types" can love any better than they can be loved.
I think in time, many people start to spot a pattern of the types of people they attract and are attracted too. To make sense out of this, we start to explore labels. However, the very moment we say to ourselves.. I attract this X-type of person and I'm attracted to Y-type of personality, we are at risk of closing the door to somebody with Z-type of personality. Because we have are heads shoved up X and Y personality types. We start to assume a "This is what it is" or "I am what I am" type of attitude towards us and others, instead of allowing ourselves to "Be what we will be" or affording other to "be what they can become". Big difference in the mindset of "I am what I am" vs. "I will be what I will be", or "they are what they are" vs. "They will be what they will be". Says a lot growth, development, change, and attitudes towards ourselves and other people.
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I wonder what would happen if, just as an experiment, you were to spend a year refraining utterly from classifying people in your psychological taxonomy, instead to just encounter them as they are without any theoretical constructs lying like bundling boards athwart your attempts at intimacy with them.
The world many currently know would change to how they see and know it. My opinion at least.
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To never ever say "you just did something passive-aggressive" or "you just displayed control/abandonment/etc/etc issues" but rather to say: "Hey, you just did <this>" ... to encounter it as what it is rather than for what some theory classsifies it as, and to encounter them as people rather than instances of types.
Oh lord, I hate it when people start talking like that. "you did something because you are (insert label here)", who is anybody to properly judge the motivations and actions of the other person. "Hey, you did <this>", give the other person a fighting chance to express themselves free of judgement or labels. How about "Hey, you did <this>, why? what is going on? care to talk about it?" Big difference between closing a door and opening it. I will admit I am guilty of closing doors from time to time. I'm human and we all are. The best we can do, is learn to see these things in ourselves and correct this behavior. Perhaps we can help others overcome the bad habit of "you did something because you are (insert label here)".
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I suspect that many people encounter me as a type. They check off some box or boxes early on and figure thay have me sussed.
I don't know how many people view you Noah, you always seem to provide insight at times when it's needed the most. I believe this one of these times.
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Often enough I don't much care and occaisionally I'm able to use their preconceptions as levers. Sometimes I suppose it irks me. Sometimes it might sadden me, other times amuse me.
This really hits home with me. There are times when I've totally made fun of a label somebody has placed on me. I'm guilty as charged about pulling the levers of preconceptions, and I tend to enjoy doing it. Not only for my own sanity but to shatter the illusion of these preconceptions. I've felt the same range of emotions being irked, sad and amuzed.
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I mean maybe they do have me sussed. I don't know.
What I do know is that the people who have become friends of decades standing, or lovers, or heroes of mine have tended to be people who did not handle other people with the oven mitts of theory but who were able instead to be in the moment, grasping bare-handed and open-heartedly the being who stood before them in all their flawed glory.
You don't know how hard you just made me laugh!..... could probally share a number of thoughts and experiences. However, it darn right funny just reading what you said and relating it to past experiences. LOL.... for some damn reason this reminds me of the Skid Row song "Peice of Me", even though the lyrics don't fully express the same meaning.
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