War Vetrans and BDSM

War Vetrans and BDSM (Full Version)

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surfergirl -> War Vetrans and BDSM (5/24/2005 7:36:25 PM)
My Domme, who is also my husband of 14 years, is/was a marine who served in Desert Storm (the first Iraq war). We just had a long talk about how he is having a hard time during play getting into a zone bacuase he is very afraid of losing control. He has post tramatic stress disorder. And has been in treatment with other service memebers for it. I totaly trust him, however for some odd reason that I can not understand he is not trusting himself. Which concerns me, because I want him to experiance the pleasure of the power exchange. He says he is totaly satisfied with everything and enjoys the sadistic play, but will not let his head get to into it. Anyone have this experiance and any suggestions?

terah -> RE: War Vetrans and BDSM (5/25/2005 1:23:22 AM)
I suffer from ptsd, but for another reason. Trust is a big issue that I deal with daily. It has everything to do with my enviroment. I am a great top but letting go is very difficult for me because I have been through some really tough time. Just be there for your dominant when they are stuggling to be free or get over a hurdle. Be patient... and greatful that they are seeking help to deal with those issues.

LordODiscipline -> RE: War Vetrans and BDSM (5/25/2005 3:18:26 AM)
Have him seek out help from a kink aware professional. Take it upon yourself to find some in your area for a choice after he has agreed. (Call them and ask if they are aware of the sub-culture and/or if they are negative towards it - ask the doctor in person, not their assistants). Make sure you have several who are available so you might walk out if ou find that you do not like them - or - they are simply idiots (yes, even doctors are idiots at times). If your dominant is not willing to ty to resolve the issue then it is his issue and will have a negatvie affect on the relationship in the short term. ~J

FangsNfeet -> RE: War Vetrans and BDSM (5/25/2005 3:34:25 PM)
If he's afraid of loosing control perhaps you can give him safer toys to use on you. After all, how much damage can really be done with a sued flogger before his arm falls off? Using sued and furs should allow him to be more into the zone feeling safer to use them on you.

Oumae -> RE: War Vetrans and BDSM (5/25/2005 3:58:35 PM)
Have you close friends who you would be comfortable playing in front of? Might help if he knew there was someone else there to watch out for you both. Oumae

divinedesire -> RE: War Vetrans and BDSM (5/30/2005 4:05:44 PM)
Surfergirl,First he is a Marine,and for some it is very hard to ask for help,the corps does that to you.Do get him help for the ptsd...find a chapter of Vets for Peace and ask there for info they will help,maney Vets there suffer or have from pstd.This is not something that he will get over soon,have friends that still after 30+ years have bouts...so be supportive and love him as that will help.......Good Luck....A Vet also

pathfinder58 -> RE: War Vetrans and BDSM (5/30/2005 11:48:35 PM)
I don't think he is "afraid of losing control" so much as he is concerned for your welfare if he mentally visits that place in his mind where he did whatever was necessary at the time to survive (in combat) call it a mental attitude, zone, what ever you like, but in that space he is extremely capable of doing great physical damage to anyone. I don't think you have anything to be worried about though, as you would be one of those he'd do anything to protect. But if someone were to insult, or attack you, he'd most likely respond in a manner that you, and most of the unaware, would consider insane, crazy, and/or completely disproportionate to the threat. I dealt with my situation by embracing it, not rejecting it. That is to say, when I consciously accepted it, I gained control of it. I decided when to "go-off" so to speak, and not let a situation or circumstances automatically trigger it. Once I realized I could make the choice whether or not to go into that space, my fear completely went away.

MadameDahlia -> RE: War Vetrans and BDSM (5/31/2005 2:43:47 AM)
Sometimes those faced with PTSD will lash out at anyone who touches or speaks to them. When they are thrown back into enemy territory or a "combat zone mindset" they are thinking about survival first and foremost. Anyone could be an enemy or a threat at that point. A friend of mine was assaulted. Only a very select number of people can touch her without sustaining physical harm. To protect the body the mind targets many people... people who have even expressed their desire to get their hands on the creep who harmed her. Perhaps your husband fears that the worst possible outcome may be the one he has to face should he let himself go.

surfergirl -> RE: War Vetrans and BDSM (5/31/2005 6:17:48 PM)
Thank you all so very much!! I so appreciate it!

ThorsHammer -> RE: War Vetrans and BDSM (6/9/2005 7:28:18 PM)
I've been gone for a while .... busy with "babes." I'm a two tour Viet Nam Vet. As a result .... I have a few "bats in the attic" I've had to, and still do, have to deal with. Pathfinder made a very astute observation . If your Dom is like most of the good Doms I know ... I'd be willing to bet he is very concerned about you and your safety. Here in the forums much has been written much about how a good Dom has to be in control of himself at all times particularily when we are involved in our activities. SSC ... emphasis on Safe, right. The fear of not being in control of yourself is scary. It is a feeling that is very hard to overcome. I know from personal experience. LordODiscipline presented you with very good advice .... seeking a kink aware profession to work with you both. You are in this together and the solving of this problem should involve each of you. In my humble opinion, I think this is a very good avenue to explore. I know there are "kink friendly" professionals who can help you. While working through the baggage left from my divorce many years ago, I found one. She was extremely helpful. Not only did she help me with some of my divorce issues but also help me feel much more comfortable about our lifestyle. Good luck to you both ..... Donn

sarbonn -> RE: War Vetrans and BDSM (6/10/2005 12:22:30 PM)
I'd suggest some therapy, honestly. I did the same thing when I finally got out of the service. But make sure he understands to be careful about the therapist because I went through my first therapist who somehow decided PTSD wasn't as important as "curing" me from my submissive lifestyle.

ProScatman -> RE: War Vetrans and BDSM (6/10/2005 2:00:02 PM)
Wow, did you open up a can of worms for me! Don't worry, it's ok! I am also a Marine Vet with PTSD from the Vietnam War. I still have issues today, but I have them under control for the most part--not vice versa. It took me several years (6) to be exact, before I'd even talk about it! We weren't debriefed--just discharged at El Toro MAB, in Santa Ana, Calf. I can't discribe in words how screwed up my head was back then, and because of it, I made some bad choices that I've had to live with. The old saying it takes one to know one has special meaning for us. I know I got more help from other vets than I did from professionals! I would suggest working out the vet problem with other vets, and the lifestyle hangups with a supportive theripest who accepts, understands, and works with folks in the community here. There are some very knowledgeable people here, and I'm sure someone can hook you up with the right counselor. Semper Fi Just a side note FYI. A friend of mine who was a POW almost threw a theripest out a 3rd story window at the V.A. Outpatient Clinic! They push you to your limits there, so research and send a scout first! I'm not implying all VA facilities use this type of therapy, but ...my friend hasn't been back since! They did more harm than good, and my friend now confides in alcohol and me. quote: ORIGINAL: surfergirl My Domme, who is also my husband of 14 years, is/was a marine who served in Desert Storm (the first Iraq war). We just had a long talk about how he is having a hard time during play getting into a zone bacuase he is very afraid of losing control. He has post tramatic stress disorder. And has been in treatment with other service memebers for it. I totaly trust him, however for some odd reason that I can not understand he is not trusting himself. Which concerns me, because I want him to experiance the pleasure of the power exchange. He says he is totaly satisfied with everything and enjoys the sadistic play, but will not let his head get to into it. Anyone have this experiance and any suggestions?

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