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goodgirl85 -> Need help (5/27/2007 8:53:08 AM)
Hi. I think its time for me to get into the "local" scene community. I live in Mass, close enough to both Providence and Boston, however I don't know where or how I would find events and the such. I have googled different terms but nothing local comes up. Also, my knowledge of people in the scene is very limited, mainly just those I have met online and even though I do not want to attend something by myself I have been told that subs should not attend a new place alone. Can anyone help me with my predictament? Thanks girl

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 8:54:38 AM)
Isn't BESS in Boston?

Lordandmaster -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 8:58:07 AM)
No, BESS is in Baltimore. Well, maybe they have one in Boston too, but I've never heard of it.

JpnsTigerrrlily -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 8:58:24 AM)
http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=org&uid=default&state=MASSACHUSETTS&view_records=View+Records&ww=on There ya go. And the whole thing about attending things alone. Well, as long as you've got a good head on your shoulders, I don't see how attending a munch or something like that alone would be bad. When I was first getting to know the community I attended a lot of munches and classes alone. Also, Black Rose is in MD every year. Not in Boston, but still a great thing to go to. :)

spanklette -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 8:59:17 AM)
I don't know who told you that subs should not go to an event alone...but that's crap. If you don't want to go alone, that's fine, but unless it's a couples only event then everyone is welcome. My advice, start off at a local munch. They seem scary at first, but it's just a bunch of people sitting around talking. Ask the locals about the places you's like to visit. Generally, you'll get opinions on what the venues are like and maybe an offer to include you in their next excursion. But, the more you meet people, the more people you'll have to go with...I would definitely do the munch first. Then just work on networking with the people that you like in your community.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 9:01:47 AM)
The only people who don't want you attending alone are Mentors/Trainers/Stalkers/Abusers who want to cull you off from the herd/society so they can prey on you in private. Your only fear should be revulsion and boredom.

salilus -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 9:13:57 AM)
Hello! I'm in Beverly and Daddy and I both watch this list on yahoo: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NEmunch_calendar/ They have most of the munches listed in there. Also, there is this one: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewEnglandDs/ They announce events at times. Also! there is NELA http://www.nelaonline.org/NELA.html And, and, and: http://www.ne-ds.org/ I hope this helps a bit :)

spanklette -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 9:14:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael The only people who don't want you attending alone are Mentors/Trainers/Stalkers/Abusers who want to cull you off from the herd/society so they can prey on you in private. Your only fear should be revulsion and boredom. Truer words were never spoken. lol

thetammyjo -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 9:46:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spanklette I don't know who told you that subs should not go to an event alone...but that's crap. If you don't want to go alone, that's fine, but unless it's a couples only event then everyone is welcome. My advice, start off at a local munch. They seem scary at first, but it's just a bunch of people sitting around talking. Ask the locals about the places you's like to visit. Generally, you'll get opinions on what the venues are like and maybe an offer to include you in their next excursion. But, the more you meet people, the more people you'll have to go with...I would definitely do the munch first. Then just work on networking with the people that you like in your community. I would also add that it is very likely that you will feel a bit out of place or that you will sense a clinquishness at the munch. This may last for 1-4 munches in my experience. The trick is to keep going, be friendly without being a pushover, and gauge what you should talk about by what everyone else is talking about. I'd email the munch host first and ask questions like what type of place they meet in. This will help you figure out how to dress but also let them know a new person is on the way. Any decent host then will make a point of greeting you and she may even ask you to sit by her so you have the comfort zone of her host presence and are less likely to be targeted by resident creeps.

spanklette -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 9:56:28 AM)
Very true...these people have been getting together and talking for a while now, and they can be a bit cliqueish, but you'll find your niche, generally. I think Tammyjo gave it a good time frame. Expect to do little talking and a lot of listening for those first few munches.

sublizzie -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 10:03:52 AM)
Be prepared for the "fresh meat" thingie and you'll do fine. New, young things are particularly tasty to the creeps in the group. Don't make any fast judgement calls on anyone you meet. Don't go off privately with anyone until you've been part of the group for 6-8 months and you'll be fine. Waiting to do anything with anyone will give you time to figure out who the creeps are and who really does know what they're talking about rather than just blowing smoke. I was scared to death to go to my first big munch. It took me 3-4 months even knowing that there would be people there who I would know before I went. I'm glad I did. Wish I could still be going but my work schedule changed and I can't anymore. Just my thoughts.....

mp072004 -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 1:27:07 PM)
How bizarre. Of course submissives can and should attend events alone. It's often easier socially to attend an event when you already know a few of the other participants, regardless of whether you're submissive, dominant, male, or female. However, you have to start somewhere, and most munch groups have at least one friendly member with the social skills to engage a new person sitting alone in conversation. Sure, you may feel awkward because you don't know anyone, but I imagine you have dealt with this in other situations--BDSM functions aren't all that different. Anyway, I'm in Boston, and I'd be happy to direct you to more specific groups. NELA and NEDS are the major organizations locally. There are several lively munches, including one in Cambridge that is among the longest running. There's a group for people aged 18-35, a group for women (who, it is implied, like to do BDSM with women), and a number of others. Please feel free to email me if you'd like more specific information. Monica

HaveRopeWillBind -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 3:07:40 PM)
The whole thing about not entering clubs or other scene functions alone stems from when the entire scene was completely underground. In the far past if a submissive walked into a club alone most people could correctly assume that she/he had told no family or friends of intent to attend or where it might be. Because of that some newbies would be caged and held as "club slaves" for extremely long periods of time. It was almost never a pleasant experience for the newbie since everyone also could surmise that this individual was unowned or uncollared and therefore had no one checking to make sure limits were respected. It doesn't take a lot of imagination to see where that would lead. So back then it was sage advice for a newbie to avoid functions alone. That all began to change near the end of the 70's when the scene began to become more public. Now a new submissive thinking of attending a club or function alone only needs to use some reasonable caution and let a friend know in advance that she/he will be going to a somewhat risque' venue and have the friend check up if the friend doesn't hear back by a reasonable time. The friend should of course have the address of the event, but doesn't need to know what it is all about. With people meeting each other online all the time now there is nothing unusual about having a friend as a safety backup waiting to hear you got home okay.

EvilGeoff -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 3:41:00 PM)
To find local Munches, email groups, and events in your area, try: SceneUSA - http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html Caryl's Page - http://www.drkdesyre.com/ The BDSM Events Page - http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/ which has links to both organizations AND events. Hope that helps! - Geoff

SimplyMichael -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 5:32:22 PM)
quote: In the far past if a submissive walked into a club alone most people could correctly assume that she/he had told no family or friends of intent to attend or where it might be. Because of that some newbies would be caged and held as "club slaves" for extremely long periods of time. It was almost never a pleasant experience for the newbie since everyone also could surmise that this individual was unowned or uncollared and therefore had no one checking to make sure limits were respected. You may know the difference between a G and an F model but you don't know shit about the BDSM scene. NOTHING like that happened on anything like a common scale.

HaveRopeWillBind -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 5:42:26 PM)
You aren't old enough yet to have been there when things like that went on. As it happens I was in the NYC club scene then and saw it myself. If you aren't speaking from experience or authoratative research it's often best to not say anything.

mercurialis -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 7:05:08 PM)
Useful topic, as I'm from Mass too. Let's see, I know the Western Mass Power Exchange has meetings: http://wmpe.org/ I also remember coming across meetings held in Boston, CT, and NH for various topics...haven't bookmarked them though. But hey...things are out there, just look around. As for attending events by yourself...well, just follow the rules of common sense you would apply for any other sort of meeting. Be aware of your surroundings as you head towards the event or leave it. Avoid areas that are more private and without foot traffic. Have a cell phone. Those are things that might help prevent anything bad from happening, but in the end, it really hinges on the people there, not on you. And I would think almost all of the people at a munch or event would not be any more likely to be the rapist/mugging/psycho kind than the general public. One thing I do know is that you should check in advance what the rules and regulations of an event would be. Munches are rather informal...some can be very simple, showing up at a certain place at a certain time, while others could have rules, require you to let them know you plan to attend, etc.

LightHeartedMaam -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 8:31:37 PM)
http://www.boston-tng.org/ and just your age range :)

SimplyMichael -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 9:50:41 PM)
Show me one reputable source that validates your statement quote: In the far past if a submissive walked into a club alone most people could correctly assume that she/he had told no family or friends of intent to attend or where it might be. Because of that some newbies would be caged and held as "club slaves" for extremely long periods of time. Since my collection of early BDSM books is fairly complete just tell me which edition and what page. Anyone else wish to chime in here for or against this concept?

spanklette -> RE: Need help (5/27/2007 10:11:50 PM)
I've heard the story before, but I always thought it was BDSM's version of an urban legend. It was always a friend of a friend who knew someone who...well, you know the rest.[:D]

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