RE: Negotiations - Inclusive or Exclusive?

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RE: Negotiations - Inclusive or Exclusive? - 5/26/2007 6:03:04 PM

MasterFireMaam

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For me, it depends on the experience level of the person I'm playing with. If they're brand new, I ask them what they WANT and I pretty much stick to those areas or closely related areas. If they're experienced, I ask what they DON'T WANT and do anything else that comes to mind that I like.

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RE: Negotiations - Inclusive or Exclusive? - 5/26/2007 11:36:22 PM

chellekitty

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i am guessing that by negotiations you mean with a casual play partner and will go from there...
for me its fairly simple...
1) get out the toy bag...go thru it, say yes or no to every toy the Top (using the position they will be swinging from not necessarily a role or orrientation) is capable and willing to use...if i don't know what a toy is or how they will be using it i usually ask before saying yes or no (chop sticks are evil and not a newbie toy)...
2) establish safe words, usually red and yellow, because i don't expect them to be able to read my body signals...they are Tops not mind readers and besides that the times i need to use a safeword are more likely to be because of triggers being pushed not physical problems...
3) determine level of aftercare required for that scene...i may be a little weird but i can shut off the emotional requirement for cuddling kind of aftercare depending on who i am playing with...and for some of ya'll this may sound dangerous...but i can trust someone with my body a lot easier than with my emotions...fortunately i have never had a scene go wrong when there wasn't someone there to clean up the emotional fall out...
4) go find somewhere to play!! i say this because i only play with people i am not in a relationship with in public where there are DMs....and stations can be a pain to find...

hopes she answered the question...
chelle
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< Message edited by chellekitty -- 5/26/2007 11:37:25 PM >

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RE: Negotiations - Inclusive or Exclusive? - 5/26/2007 11:38:35 PM

juliaoceania

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When we first began he asked me before he tried anything new. It was his way of making sure I was consenting. He may not try something the moment he asked about it, but he used to ask. Now he does not ask anymore, and I have given blanket consent. I do not know when that changed to be honest with you.

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RE: Negotiations - Inclusive or Exclusive? - 5/27/2007 12:13:38 AM

LadyPaige

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Usually I don't have specific negotiations (as Dom or Sub) since part of the getting to know you phase covers what the hard/soft limits, phisical considerations and interests are as well as level of experience.

If it's a casual scene where one of us asked the other to top, then usually there's a specific activity requested. The limited negotiation is putting certain body parts off limits, stating the maximum intensity, and informing of any physical problems.

< Message edited by LadyPaige -- 5/27/2007 12:17:38 AM >

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RE: Negotiations - Inclusive or Exclusive? - 5/27/2007 12:21:13 AM

chellekitty

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oh yea, i forgot to mention i will tell the Top of any ailments or injuries or monthly hormonal influxes...

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RE: Negotiations - Inclusive or Exclusive? - 5/27/2007 12:31:06 AM

HeavansKeeper

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<QR>

Legally, contracts are exclusive. That is to say "if it isn't mentioned, it's ok."

Having an included acts only negotiation reminds me of buying the services of a hooker. In addition to being limited, it has the subtle appearance of less trust (as opposed to more trust.) Think of it like hiring a babysitter. If you trust her (I'd never let a man babysit my children) then you say "Take care of the kids, don't have anyone over." If you don't trust the person you would say "Feed the kids, let them watch TV, put them to bed by 9:00p.m., don't do anything else.

Let's ignore that no one would let someone they don't trust babysit. The short version is, exclusive negotiation implies trust.

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RE: Negotiations - Inclusive or Exclusive? - 5/27/2007 2:42:05 AM

LadyPaige

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I wanted to add that I continue to communicate throughout the relationship, so I'm up to date on limits and interests, but the edit button was not there.

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RE: Negotiations - Inclusive or Exclusive? - 5/27/2007 4:03:54 PM

Kitte9

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quote:

If his answer is "no" I do a happy dance and break out the Xacto.

*snicker*

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RE: Negotiations - Inclusive or Exclusive? - 5/28/2007 3:17:42 AM

CDOM3

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I suppose I would be in the inclusive group.
From the inital contact, I set forth the guidelines or limits that I know, am experienced in and seek. The physical, mental and emotional responses that I want.
This opens complete honest communication.
Our lifestyle, be it scene, session or relationship, is a symbiotic bonding of Trust and Responsibility.
I know what I an capable of and comfortable with and I expect the same honest response.
I live by the credo of 'First, do no harm.' I don't exclude any possibilities but with each step, I include that which we both know and build from there.

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RE: Negotiations - Inclusive or Exclusive? - 5/28/2007 10:34:59 AM

akisha

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I've never sat down and officially negotiated either. I talk to the person I'm going to play with and get a feel for them and I hope they get a feel for me. I state the things that are an absolute no for me, and let it go at that. If something doesn't feel well during the play then I bring it up. My Hard limits are few, but because I don't play with strangers and I don't play with anyone that i get a wierd or bad feeling from then I prefer to leave pretty much everything in the Dominants hands.

I agree with Denika, I don't want to be the one in control. and if I feel like I am, I can't get into the right headspace to really enjoy the whole experience.

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