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RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/25/2007 10:01:06 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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LuckyAlbatross, the "goal" of any event is only one factor the organizer has to consider. Another factor, equally weighty, frankly, is, "How do I not get sued?" Most of the events I have organized had children attending, and I can assure you caution and security is always at the top of my mind.

If the only thing that matters in a fet event is "protocol consitency" then why have virtually all clubs banned consensual breath play? Well, I'll tell you. There are BDSM'ers doing hard time right now because their partners expired while recipients of consensual breath play. Perhaps saying consenual edge play is not allowed at an invitation-only D/S event "just seems really weird" to you also, but in case you hadn't noticed, virtually everything sexual that people like us talk about and do "just seems really weird" to the vanilla world. And, with rare exceptions, the law is very vanilla, in both civil and criminal court. So, with respect, your opinion just doesn't quite measure up to the possibility of monetary damages and prison time.

Subs under "too much" pressure do have nervous breakdowns/flip out. The most famous example, probably, is at the end of 9 1/2 Weeks, when the woman's phony baby-boy-in-the-face-of-responsibility dom dropped her off at the emergency room, and she never saw him again. So such a couple shouldn't be invited to that event. However, people who are in charge and responsible when the chips are down cannot afford to use the word "shouldn't." Bizarre things happen no matter how much you try to lock them out -- and I'm talking about vanilla events here! In a fet event, the attendees can afford to "play" in the world they wish they were living in, but the organizers have to build a bridge from where we really do live to the atmosphere they hope to create for the night. I would ask you to show a bit more understanding of how difficult that is, instead of soapboxing about how adults "should" be "mature" and it is "weird" to make allowances that some are not.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 61

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/25/2007 10:09:26 PM

minnetar

Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

Michael, in this case I think you are making much ado about nothing. The concept of the "safe place" is very common at a lot of these events. It may not be the best choice of words, but it is the buzz word that people are used to. They understand it as a place of their own where they are "safe" to express themselves in a way that they may not normally be able to do in a mixed Dom/sub environment.

Many subs/slaves are confident enough in themselves that they have no need for such a place, but there are equally as many, not as secure, who find it comforting.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

Sir Dominic,
The wording on the invitation said high protocol i believe. So is this a way of saying that the subs would be allowed to talk amongst themselves in this area?

minnetar

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 62

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/25/2007 10:20:03 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Subs under "too much" pressure do have nervous breakdowns/flip out.

Wow...are ya serious? I mean really serious? And what....Doms under "too much" pressure can't?

Once again...this is a COUPLES event. If a sub is "having a nervous breakdown and flipping out" she should certainly be being attended to by her Dominant and NOT retreating to the subbie safe room. I would think such a situation should be dealt with by the affected couple(and possibly professionals who are trained to deal with such) and not a bunch of well meaning strangers.

Once again...it is a couples event. So why then would it be necessary for a sub/slave to seek "safety" with other sub/slaves? Wouldn't the safest place for any sub/slave to be is at the side of her Dominant/Master?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 63

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/25/2007 10:39:07 PM

lilprincess25

Posts: 28
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline

ok being a sub whom has seen the dark side of BDSM and D/s, the abusive Dom, i have two feelings on this.

1 - if the couple are new to the club and know very few people and the sub is a shy person perhaps a space where he/she can go to when her Dom is attending to personal buisness(unless They are allowed to take said sub in with them) might be a good idea.

2 - the other hand it kinda does sound like sub-sitting to me.

however even being in a place where there is a lot of people known can become scary and uncomfortable for a sub. i have had this at a place i have played at alot, its with friends however there was one Dom whom was an Ex for a very good reason attempted to intimidate and bully me. even in as safe a place as the home of very good friends i was scared.

so it is worded badly, but the idea of a space where subs can mingle get to know one another and to build friendships is a great idea.

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 64

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/25/2007 10:45:14 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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I'm sorry but I'm just not getting it. If being around strangers is scary then maybe we aren't ready to be socializing in the adult world.

This is a high protocol event. Let's compare it to a black tie vanilla affair. Your husband is taking you to a formal dinner put on by his company and all of the attendees will be executives. Do you think there should have to be a "wife safe room" for the wives to escape to if the "pressure" of being formal gets to be too much?

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 5/25/2007 10:55:09 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to lilprincess25)

Post #: 65

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/25/2007 11:18:12 PM

JpnsTigerrrlily

Posts: 161
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline

Honestly, does it really matter? A group of people put on an event...they can do whatever they want with it...have whatever rules or non rules they want. People that want to attend, go and have fun, and the people that don't want to...don't. Why not just have fun! Party rules, party verbage, advertising etc. are hardly perfect, but IT'S A PARTY! Can't we all just focus on the party and not the verbage so much? *shrugs* Maybe it's just me.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 66

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 12:23:20 AM

minnetar

Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I'm sorry but I'm just not getting it. If being around strangers is scary then maybe we aren't ready to be socializing in the adult world.

This is a high protocol event. Let's compare it to a black tie vanilla affair. Your husband is taking you to a formal dinner put on by his company and all of the attendees will be executives. Do you think there should have to be a "wife safe room" for the wives to escape to if the "pressure" of being formal gets to be too much?

lmao erin i love that analogy - makes no sense

minnetar

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 67

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 4:15:14 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I'm sorry but I'm just not getting it. If being around strangers is scary then maybe we aren't ready to be socializing in the adult world.

This is a high protocol event. Let's compare it to a black tie vanilla affair. Your husband is taking you to a formal dinner put on by his company and all of the attendees will be executives. Do you think there should have to be a "wife safe room" for the wives to escape to if the "pressure" of being formal gets to be too much?

While at a mainstream event it may not be called a "safe room" there may be a place for wives/husbands to go when their significant other starts talking business and they wish to socialize with others and not discuss business.

We just recently had the opportunity to attend a formal D/s dinner with new friends. After dinner the dominants retired to another room to talk without the slaves being present. To me, it was a time for the slaves to relax and visit with each other without having to be focused on serving our masters. Was it needed as an escape? No, but it was enjoyed as an opportunity to spend some quality time with another slave.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 68

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 4:47:33 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

Perhaps, a phone call asking them what their intent is for the space, might be in order.

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 69

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 5:56:16 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Redmagic,

quote:

Subs under "too much" pressure do have nervous breakdowns/flip out. The most famous example, probably, is at the end of 9 1/2 Weeks, when the woman's phony baby-boy-in-the-face-of-responsibility dom dropped her off at the emergency room, and she never saw him again.

You do realize that was a MOVIE, a FICTIONAL movie don't you? I am talking about the real world and not the vanilla real world. I am also not talking about a typical BDSM event in a typical city. I am talking about a single event dedicated to a single style of play in one of the most perverted cities in the world.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 70

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 5:57:19 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
While at a mainstream event it may not be called a "safe room" there may be a place for wives/husbands to go when their significant other starts talking business and they wish to socialize with others and not discuss business.

We just recently had the opportunity to attend a formal D/s dinner with new friends. After dinner the dominants retired to another room to talk without the slaves being present. To me, it was a time for the slaves to relax and visit with each other without having to be focused on serving our masters. Was it needed as an escape? No, but it was enjoyed as an opportunity to spend some quality time with another slave.

Kyra, I think such an area is a lovely thing to have. Often at parties submissives will gather in some area aside from the main group to mingle with each other and chat. The Dominant's will often do the very same thing. But I fail to see why we really need to designate specific areas, call them "Safe spaces" and restrict access to them according to orientation.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 71

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 6:03:57 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

My issue with the safe space AT THIS SINGLE EVENT is simply one of curiousity. I am quite excited about the event and it looks like some friends of mine are going to fly up for this event. I hope to attend with my favorite lady but either way I am going. I support the event, even offered to donate implements for a fundraiser.

For the few in the thread who don't seem to know me, I have run bdsm groups, hosted parties, even own a public dungeon. I understand how to throw enjoyable safe events. My opinion on submissives is shared by many here, they are adults and if they aren't they aren't welcome. In addition, if you are too terrified to be left alone in a room full of adults, then perhaps public play isn't for you. Lastly, if you are one who can't keep your hands to yourself you will likewise be shown the door if not the boot.

Lastly, if you think this caused a stink, try hosting a party where floggers are banned. That is one event I have yet to manage to pull off because of the shitstorm that always causes when you mention it. I swear some dominants are more attached to their floggers than other items of "equipment" that would be far harder to leave at home!

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 72

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 7:40:32 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Ok now I don't pretend to know what's going on half the time in the 'lifestyle'.
For me this is a gender issue.
I am a dominant Domme. But I don't have it printed across my forehead.
The last time I went to a public munch the man I was talking to who said he was a Dom dug me in the ribs. I warned him in a very agressive tone that if he ever did that to me again I would slap him across the face really hard or kick him in the balls.
If I had been with a 6 foot male sub he would not have done it in the first place.
If I had reacted without control I might have been hauled to the police station.
So what I am getting at is. Can I always trust that Dom's or male subs for that matter are gentlemen?
No a lot of them aren't. As has been proved by one of the posts above women can not always trust men to behave in an even half decent way to them.
So when my sub/slave needs to be away from his post as my protector what do I do?
When I use the toilets he waits outside. No problem unless their are gay/bisexual abusive men present. Or abusive Dommes.
But when he needs to use the toilet what do I do?
I would probably go in with him lol. And just think what a mess that would make of the night's protocol.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 73

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 7:52:22 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

Michael,
Having told me that you have run events in the past, I imagine you know first hand that it's a thankless job whether you are a volunteer or a paid employee. Most of the time it's not, "Hey! Loved it! Great Party!" It's, "they should have done it this way and shouldn't have done that. I would have done it this way..etc".
YOU write beautifully, (even if you can't spell) and are perhaps one of the most articulate people I know. Not many people are like that. Maybe we chalk it up to a poor choice of words? Nothing more, nothing less.
So big deal, they will have the "area where subs are allowed to wander free but shall remain nameless". Better it's there "just in case" than not there and someone really needs it.

So can we please go back to talking about sex now??

I am going to find out what the events rules are surrounding sex as in addition to bringing a concrete block with rings in it for my fellow Masters to tie off their submissives when we aren't using them, but at some point I might want to just rape a certain tight little hole.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 5/26/2007 7:55:28 AM >

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 74

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 12:56:14 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

Alrighty Gang.. I've been reading through the posts here!

Adult Children
Ideally we are all supposed to act like adults being that we are grown up. Reality is that there are a lot of adult children. Adults that act like kids and don't know how to properly behave.   Now this means there are Adult Children who are Dom/mes and submissive/slaves.

Public Events/Functions
Regardless if it's a rock concert, NASA race, or BDSM function. There will be wierdos and adult children running about. Who's in charge of security at such functions and what can be done to make things more enjoyable and "Safe" for everybody.

Now there will be the Asshole Dom/mes walking around acting like every submissvive/slave should bow to their feet. Some might show attitude for being looked directly in the eyes and other small petty things.   Oh wait Adult Dom/mes that act like kids. Now on the flip side there are some submissives that act like children who actually do need supervision! It's obvious that MagiksSlave does not need to be supervised.

Anyways, it appears that a "Safe" space was created for Subs should a Dom/me start stalking them at the function. Also it's an area for Dom/Masters to leave their Adult Child Sub/slave off at as well. This is an Area that is considered a safe zone! It's there if you feel you need to use it.   It's an option that is there?

Let's say you are submissve being harassed or stalked at this function, you could simply get away into the "Safe" zone.. inform or report what is going on to the people in charge of the event.   It's a quick get away zone.   Also it's a social area where the subs can hang out and let their hair down and be themselves.   I can also see this being a Great place for Adult sub/slaves that acts like children being instructed to go to by thier masters.

True.. we are all adults.. however not everybody who is an adult acts like an adult. Just because they provided a "safe" space for submissives does not mean all submissives have to go there like little children. It's something that was set up and is there if it's needed for a variety of reasons.   If nobody has a use for such as area, why in GOD green world would the people setting up such an event offer it? Somebody must use it or find it useful or of some friggen value.   I don't for a moment believe it should be taken as an insult. Just an additional service geared towards the safety and concern towards people attending.

It's nice to know that so many people feel they don't need this, however I'm certain it is a Godsend or blessing to others in a time of need. Not everybody attending a function like this will know enough people to feel comfortable passing thier slave/sub off on to watch for a moment. Perhaps this "safe" zone also promotes or encourages new people to come out to such a function.   I know this Cold day in Hell before I'd entrust a complete stranger with my sub/slave while I go to the bathroom.

Let me use another anology here! Let's say you and your date/slave/sub/girl go to a large dance club for the first time together. You need to go to the bath room. Do you leave them sitting alone in the back of the club or make certain you are in a location close to the Bartender and bouncers? Where do you feel more comfortable?

Sure it's great when you guys are out some place where you know other people, or are together in a small established social group.   I know from experience I've gone to the bathroom to come back and there was some asshole trying to move in and the micro drama that can occur.. even more so when this person moving in on my date/girlfriend/sub/slave (whatever label) is acting like an Adult Child. This type of shit generally does not happen in places I frequent because people know me and the person I'm with. A strange place with strangers... this will happen more times then not though. Whew.. end of my rant here..

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 75

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 1:01:08 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am going to find out what the events rules are surrounding sex as in addition to bringing a concrete block with rings in it for my fellow Masters to tie off their submissives when we aren't using them, but at some point I might want to just rape a certain tight little hole.

Now THAT'S what I am talking about! Thank you Michael.

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 76

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 1:58:08 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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You better thank me now because I am not sure anyone is going to be thanking anyone when I am done!

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 77

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 2:22:29 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

You better thank me now because I am not sure anyone is going to be thanking anyone when I am done!

Michael...

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 5/26/2007 2:25:20 PM >

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 78

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 3:36:36 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I'm sorry but I'm just not getting it. If being around strangers is scary then maybe we aren't ready to be socializing in the adult world.

This is a high protocol event. Let's compare it to a black tie vanilla affair. Your husband is taking you to a formal dinner put on by his company and all of the attendees will be executives. Do you think there should have to be a "wife safe room" for the wives to escape to if the "pressure" of being formal gets to be too much?

i'm going to put myself in this event. my Sir takes me, he knows that i am prone to sensory overload. he still wishes to attend, still wishes for me to be by his side, but KNOWS that for my safety and well-being, i need to retreat every once in a while to less crowded, less loud surroundings, so that i can .....reset my levels, for lack of any better way to describe it.

that isnt being put into the nursery, its not being afraid of strangers, its Sir understanding my health issues and wishing to protect me. and actually yes, most black tie vanilla affairs are set in locations where there is a lounge in the ladies', JUST so that the wives can escape to quiet for a few minutes.

i think the wording for the area wasnt well thought out, but the reasoning behind it could be.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 79

RE: BS or D/s - a long winded question? - 5/26/2007 7:35:19 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

We used to call those areas "cool down" lounges. It's where folk can drop out of roles during an evening, and just socialize. High protocol is hard work. It takes lots of focus and effort to maintain. (Personally, I find it very difficult to maintain for more than an hour or so, especially when you are in a public playspace, and there's a myriad of distractions going on about you.) When set up like this, it has a very strange feeling for me... like being in a Fellini film. The cool down lounge becomes like an offstage "gree room" and the play space proper becomes "on stage."

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 80

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