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Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 12:59:41 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		I think very possibly having new members show up on a list breeds cynicism among the young and unititiated and maybe not so young. With this list...they get burried in mail. I warn them to take their time and keep their options open etc. among other things suggesting that they just be themselves and they can be all the sub or slave they wish to be and allow it to evolve. Iam sitt'n here with the worst pinched nerve of my life where it is painfull 24/7 and extremely so to move about and thought I'd watch some racing and write some advice.

It truly amazes me that without prompt, about 7 of 10 believe what I send is c & p or designed as subterfuge to lure them into my lair. If I write anymore such advice...and don't know that I will...it will be copy & paste that I do not seek a response or maybe I should just let them fall into one of the real traps of the kinkosphere. That will cement their cyncism and they will leave with all of the wrong answers to their questions of this 'lifestyle' and BDSM in general. They become the losers.

< Message edited by MrRodgers -- 5/13/2007 1:02:40 PM >
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 1:03:23 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

I think very possibly having new members show up on a list breeds cynicism among the young and unititiated and maybe not so young. With this list...they get burried in mail. I warn them to take their time and keep their options open etc. among other hings suggesting that they just be themselves and they can be all the sub or slave they wish to be and allow it to evolve. Iam sitt'n here with the worst pinched nerve of my life where it is painfull 24/7 and extremely so to move about and thought I'd watch some racing and write some advice.

It truly amazes me that without prompt, about 7 of 10 believe what I send is c & p or designed as subterfuge to lure them into my lair. If I write anymore such advice...and don't know that I will...it will be copy & paste that I do not seek a response or maybe I should just let them fall into one of the real traps of the kinkosphere. That will cement their cyncism and they will leave with all of the wrong answers to their questions of this 'lifestyle' and BDSM in general. They become the losers.


You're on Percocets aren't You?

With Love and Respect, chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to MrRodgers)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 2:22:35 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Possibly by and large many will think you may have an ulterior motive.BUT...if you are able to help even .....one...then have you not then fulfilled your goal?...Tempting

(in reply to MrRodgers)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 2:48:48 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yes those poor darling little novice lambs, so weak and helpless...

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 3:05:22 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I was completely clueless until a dom pointed out that I had a big "fuck me" sign on my back.  What would I have done without him?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 3:24:54 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		We learn from our mistakes, which kinda suggests we need to make a few *first*! 
 
But what's your motive - to "save" newbies who didn't ask and just as likely don't need saving?  You've got some sort of crusade going on?  Are you not the cynical one to dare make such presumptions of strangers, experienced or not?  To presume they would all benefit from your advice is a cynical prejudice itself, no?
 
Though I'm only just over half your 90 year age, I learnt decades ago that very few people appreciate help, assistance or advice they didn't ask for, esp from strangers.  Your low opinion of other people's abilities and resiliance is the problem here.  Pardon by own cynicism but I wonder just how much harder God has to tweak your nerve before a light bulb flickers into life....
 
Focus.

(in reply to MrRodgers)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 4:08:49 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		I used to get those e-mails as a newB here and I hated it, I wanted to know what about me made others think I couldnt take care of myself or wasnt smart enough to know when someone was trying to take advantage or was nothing more then a complete jerk. Frankly the white knight complex is anoying at best and insulting at most to those of us not asking to be saved. Do you honetly think we come here not knowing what we will find here, yes I know some dont know but I think most who come at least have some idea. What makes it even more insulting is that you dont see  these white knights sending e-mails to the new Dom/me's that are comeing here. Why can a 18yo Dom take care of himself/herself but an 18 yo sub cant. Im not trying to put you down for trying to do a good thing but you should really look at how good the thing you are trying to do is. You may have had good intentions but as you know the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 5/13/2007 4:10:46 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 5:18:14 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		So YOUR email is okay but everyone elses isn't?

Also, if you DON'T have ulterior motives, why do you care whether they write back or not?  I often send a few links to people I see who are new in my area but until I see them at a munch, they don't even count as human to me and sure as hell don't whine when they don't come over and blow me because I have been good enough to protect them from pervs.

(in reply to MrRodgers)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 6:44:19 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		Well ok I guess I didn't make myself as clear as I should have. I do copy and paste a brief warning and I still see some falling prey. This is advice that I got from a sub and not entirely of my own...and say so. I suggest that they need not reply. Folks this is just email and nothing more...it is a start not an end either in the positives of a person or negatives. To judge advice as a subterfuge then why isn't ALL email subterfuge ? 

Iam not looking for email or a blow job...don't know where that came from. This is strickly friendly advice and it seems as if some of those same presumptions are very much alive and well.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 6:59:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah on AOL I often got those "newbie packs" from well meaning doms.

I have no doubt that they really do mean well and want to just help my poor darling naive clueless soul.  I'm pretty sure it gives them a domly buzz.

It still perpetuates the notion that fem subs need to be given extra care and attention and aren't as capable as anyone else.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MrRodgers)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 7:41:09 PM   
ICGsteve


Posts: 202
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		This kind of behavior is not totally off the wall. Abuse is common, it is primarily those who identify as sub who are abused, and I would guess that more often than not those sought as primary  victims are subs who are new to a community. Get them while they are fresh and innocent as predator will say.

Of course a predator will pass himself off as a protector of the innocent as he hunts, so trying to protect those who can not or will not protect themselves is most likely pointless, but the motivation makes sense. Some people are ethically offended by abuse, and would like to stop it if they can.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 7:57:25 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Just because one is new to the site, doesn't make them new to the lifestyle. I think it's a one-size-fits all kind of thinking...aside from LA's point. There is no need to coddle anyone coming on to the site. They have to be 18 to sign up, presumably. These people are able to vote, drive, and have a line of credit. I think, at this point, to send a letter helping them overcome the dangers of online predators...well, it's a bit late. I hope you tell them not to take candy from strangers too.

I know this may come across as harsh, but it's a line of thinking that I think we could do without...of course, there are others that are much worse, I suppose.  

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to MrRodgers)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 8:10:09 PM   
ICGsteve


Posts: 202
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		Ya, I suppose misguided but big hearted people are not the lowest of the scum  on the planet.

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 9:00:05 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

Well ok I guess I didn't make myself as clear as I should have. I do copy and paste a brief warning and I still see some falling prey. This is advice that I got from a sub and not entirely of my own...and say so. I suggest that they need not reply. Folks this is just email and nothing more...it is a start not an end either in the positives of a person or negatives. To judge advice as a subterfuge then why isn't ALL email subterfuge ? 

Iam not looking for email or a blow job...don't know where that came from. This is strickly friendly advice and it seems as if some of those same presumptions are very much alive and well.


Here's the bottom line: We don't need your protection. I had a dom send me some BS cut and paste list of what is abuse is and a bunch of "helpful" links. The advice was unwanted and unneeded. If you really want to help, then give help to those who want it. Otherwise it's awfully close to sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MrRodgers)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 9:19:40 PM   
SireKane


Posts: 105
Joined: 1/22/2004
Status: offline 		Drop the rescue dom mentality, abuse/victim versus predator/prey it's alway a good topic for discussion. In the real life world of bdsm it's rare. The best advice that you can give to a newbie is to get away from the keyboard , go out munches , socials, or other  lifestyle related events. Also, tell them don't date anyone who does not have a verifiable resume to back up their lifestyle reputation,  and run like hell from anyone offering to be your mentor, protector or who wants to put you on some damn newbie list..

(in reply to ICGsteve)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/13/2007 10:25:10 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ok how is this for makeing it simple... weather you mean it or not letters like this are belittleing to us subs period!!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to SireKane)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/14/2007 7:27:05 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

Well ok I guess I didn't make myself as clear as I should have. I do copy and paste a brief warning and I still see some falling prey. This is advice that I got from a sub and not entirely of my own...and say so. I suggest that they need not reply. Folks this is just email and nothing more...it is a start not an end either in the positives of a person or negatives. To judge advice as a subterfuge then why isn't ALL email subterfuge ? 

Iam not looking for email or a blow job...don't know where that came from. This is strickly friendly advice and it seems as if some of those same presumptions are very much alive and well.


It seems to me that you are assuming responsibility for other people that you do not know. You do not know if these subs are men, women, Nigerian, or Martian. This is the internet, and not everything is as it appears to be.

As for "falling prey", people need to take responsibility for their own security. It does not take much to find information about safely meeting others, and if the person is not interested in finding this information, that is on them... I doubt very much that these submissives 1)need your advice 2) respect it 3) are going to do one damn thing differently because of it.

I love one verse out of the Bible, remove the mote from your eye before trying to remove it from someone else's.. in other words model safety, post a few words about it on your profile. Encourage others to be safe when they meet you... you know, live by example.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MrRodgers)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/14/2007 7:32:17 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane
Also, tell them don't date anyone who does not have a verifiable resume to back up their lifestyle reputation,


Explain first... how the heck anyone can produce such a thing & then explain to me how someone would know is was valid if they were handed one?

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to SireKane)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/14/2007 7:36:17 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

Also, tell them don't date anyone who does not have a verifiable resume to back up their lifestyle reputation


And what if the person doesn't go to munches and lifestyle events or any kind of public play.  Many people are extremely private.  Your request for a resume is very limiting.

(in reply to SireKane)
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RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism - 5/14/2007 7:50:42 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Wow well im buggered if I am making a resume 
I can imagine there are some crazy predators out there and yes people new to the lifestyle should proceed with caution, but they could come across a twat in a month a year or a decade.  What business is it of yours what others do?  Its very noble that you want to protect people but seriously ??   I didnt have to list to my boy all my experiences and skills, thats what we took time to learn about each other in our initial chats and still do.
Just becasue someone is submissive doenst mean they are ope to being abused or attract people wishing to hurt them or whatever.
And how exactly is your copy and pasted letter helping them avoid that?

Ive spoken to a couple of people into BDSM who have been for many years and they both came across people who werent what they thought and could of been quite dodgy they didnt need an email telling them what to do they just made a human error we all do it new or old.

It seems to me like you need a new interest prehaps a damsel in distress. To be honest the people sending the help yourself emails are the ones I'd say avoid, its pretty stifling.


_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to Aileen68)
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