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Really? - 5/13/2007 5:09:40 AM

merrysbrat

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So I was talking this morning, to a 'dom' from collarme, who had some pretty interesting things to say. He claimed, after only about two minutes of talking with me, that I wasn't a real sub because I don't like TPE. Now usually I would have let this slide of my back and paid it no mind, but for some reason this time it got to me, and I'm wondering, if girls who define as subs but don't enjoying being controlled or told what to do don't qualify as subs, because they only or mostly indulge in the pleasure/pain aspects of BDSM, what should they be called? They're certainly not vanilla, and certainly not slaves.

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 5:12:42 AM

mnottertail

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well, being from minnesota myself I can see you are not either, nobody up here likes their house toilet papered entirely (TPE). So you just go with what you know, kid.

Ron

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 5:16:19 AM

PoeticPrincess

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Your views and lifestyle are valid. An acquaintance of such short standing can have no influence on you, surely?
There is a habit amongst insecure people to ram their views down the throats of anyone who will listen. It doesnt
mean those views are useful or valid.
TPE is not for everyone, and it is not something that a stranger should even attempt to persuade one to do.
So you are right to let it slide off your back this time too.

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 5:24:28 AM

merrysbrat

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I guess I should, don't know why this one got to me.

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 5:33:28 AM

darkinshadows

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Hello merry -

Ask 101 people and you will gain 101 different responses - some of them similar - some of them contradicting.

Personally, I would suggest a person who does not choose to submit on a regular basis but preferes to only for play purposes is not submissive, but a bottom. Submissives do not have to believe in TPE - but will be submissive in more than just the play area. I am submissive to Darcy, but will Top him on occasion during sessions - but that definately doesn't make me dominant.

Hope that helps, and is my opinion. Others may vary...

What you could ask yourself is why is it getting to you? Do you feel you need a specific label, or that not being 'a submissive' is a step down? Then you can try and work on that...

Peace

< Message edited by darkinshadows -- 5/13/2007 5:35:06 AM >

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 5:37:38 AM

merrysbrat

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I think it prolly just got to me because I didn't drop him the second he started insulting me, like I normally would, I engaged in him in further conversation (my mistkae) and that's why it pissed me off so much. I do think bottom would be a good word for it though. Maybe there should be a 'bottom' choice along with sub and slave so he doesn't have to tell me I should 'get off the site and let the real subs find guys'. Of course, I've always thought more choices should be added. I.E. master and dominant, not just dom.

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 5:53:23 AM

darkinshadows

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People on CM have made the suggestion before about making a few more options available on the CM profile side. Bottom, Top, Service etc I think would make it easier for people to sift through but then saying that, we do have profiles we can enhance our self descriptions with too - I guess it works both ways. Plus someone my see themselves as a Master, but another may not agree they are.

But then, I find with people who start teling people what to do and who they are and are not (in the case of this man) probably would not have used the written profile effectively anyway because they tend to like all the work done for them in advance.

Peace

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 5:57:53 AM

Termyn8or

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I have a similar issue. As far as a stated orientation goes I put "switch", but I actually am not. I'll bottom, but I will not really submit.

Each person is different, and if they don't like you they can go screw themselves. If they do, maybe they can screw you. Maybe.

It is important to know one's self. If someone upsets your vision of yourself based on your words, you take that with a grain of salt. They could be right, they could be wrong. But how did they arrive at that opinion ? Is your view of yourself a bit off ? Only you can answer that.

You could say you're a sub but you won't do this, that or the other thing, and someone could say that then you really aren't a sub. But that is their opinion. It comes down to who calls what what ? There are threads about this topic.

There are many aspects to the human condition. For example anyone who knows me knows I am a radical populist libetarian Constitutionalist. Many might assume I am pro-life. I am, but I am also pro-abortion. Kids are the most important thing, but it not up to me to stop you from killing them, it is up to you.

If the phrase 'different strokes for different folks' doesn't apply here, where does it ?

T

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 5:59:44 AM

xragrl

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ok I have been a sub for 20 years and I have to ask. What the fuck is tpe I have never heard any reference to such anywhere but on this site.

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 6:00:10 AM

juliaoceania

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How about calling all of us people? Slaves, submissives, bottoms, tops, and sideways folks?

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 6:04:10 AM

xragrl

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lol duh never mind i just got it ..... total power exchange. fuck why does everything have to be an anagram

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 6:36:26 AM

darkinshadows

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Now julia - don't expect miracles!

Peace

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 7:21:38 AM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

Now julia - don't expect miracles!
Peace

I used to believe in Santa Claus!...

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Really? - 5/13/2007 7:44:30 AM

Sanity

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

How about calling all of us people? Slaves, submissives, bottoms, tops, and sideways folks?

But THAT would be labeling us. And you know what they say...

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