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RE: Question for the women .. - 5/13/2007 10:30:30 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCara

Has the way you "look", "feel", "relate" to men in this way of living affected the way you "look" at vanilla men? I don't necessarily mean in a relationship .. just in general ..

C.

I decided a while back to ONLY date vanilla men, few ever find out this site of me. I model for vanilla men, occassionally lifestyle photogs. As for how I look and fell and relate, its not much different, regardless of what 'side' of the fence they are on. My slave/submissive side is around, somewhere, normally she is taking a nap when I am around vanilla men, until I can know how dominate they are, if I see that sexy dominate streak, my slave/submisive side comes out and things go from there.

I look at vanilla men, like I look at a lifestyle men, as my equal until we change the rules. Men are men, regardless. How I look, feel or relate depends on the man, not his 'side of the fence' or anything else. It depends on him. Some vanilla men are VERY dominate, yet, they are vanillas. They look at me as me, and so do I. I am me, regardless of who I am around. I may change my 'personality' or how I dress depending on a given situation, that is more to aclimate to my surroundings though; thats normal, we all do that.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to MsCara)

Post #: 41

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/13/2007 10:32:18 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Oh heck. I flirt with most males. It isn't a sexual come'on for me, it is just how I relate to men. I find males are charming almost from birth. It is natural for me to smile more, be playful, ect, with most of the male sex, regardless of age, or sexuality.
I plain out love them.
Nilla, young, old, twisted, means nothing to me unless I am in a relationship with them. As far as I am concerned, men are just marvelous!
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to MsCara)

Post #: 42

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/13/2007 11:53:03 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

i found that entering the lifestyle gave me a massive injection of sexual self confidence ... i had very low self esteem and gave myself a hard time about how i looked ...

since then i have found that i have a lot more confidence around men .. and this makes me more attractive ... i am flirty and cute with men i meet and really enjoy creating sexual tension even if i am not going to act on it

though i am happy in a relationship with a vanilla girl ..having been with and served Dominant men ... i dont think i could now be satisfied at all with a vanilla man unless he had a very D personality and even then .. it somehow wouldn't fit right for me

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to MsCara)

Post #: 43

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/13/2007 1:13:17 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCara

Just a question .. I am curious .. I know, it killed the cat. I pose this question to the women on the board. Has the way you "look", "feel", "relate" to men in this way of living affected the way you "look" at vanilla men? I don't necessarily mean in a relationship .. just in general ..

C.

No. They live the way they want and that makes them happy. The men in the lifestyle live the way they want and that makes them happy.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MsCara)

Post #: 44

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/13/2007 1:16:34 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCara

good point and now that I think about it I do as well .. I find vanilla men to be "weak" .. even as I say it I am telling myself that can't be normal. <grins> Heck, whats normal anyway? Thank you all for your input.

I don't find them weak at all. It takes strength to be yourself and around my area, in my social circle, there is a bit of sexual peer pressure to be kinky and one-up each other. I think it takes personal strength go "Fuck that, it doesn't turn me on, I'm going to stick with what does!"

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MsCara)

Post #: 45

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/13/2007 2:12:44 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

I feel that dealing with a Dominant male and then dealing with a vanilla male with maybe a slight Dominant nature, a relaxing walk in the park now..

..Tempting

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 46

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/13/2007 2:14:46 PM

shedreamz

Posts: 34
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Just a question .. I am curious .. I know, it killed the cat. I pose this question to the women on the board. Has the way you "look", "feel", "relate" to men in this way of living affected the way you "look" at vanilla men? I don't necessarily mean in a relationship .. just in general ..

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCara

Just a question .. I am curious .. I know, it killed the cat. I pose this question to the women on the board. Has the way you "look", "feel", "relate" to men in this way of living affected the way you "look" at vanilla men? I don't necessarily mean in a relationship .. just in general ..

C.

I think this lifestyle has made me much more aware of "power" dynamics out there in general -- whether at work, in friendships, with people I just interact with. I also am more aware of "service" orientations in people toward "superiors" -- and just more attune to that in the general community. I have to be honest I was quite shocked as to the concept that many women seem to find vanilla men offensive once in this lifestyle. It has had no such affect on me. If anything it has made me more confortable around men of all types.

(in reply to MsCara)

Post #: 47

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/13/2007 2:47:36 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I admire the honesty at least that you don't respect someone because of their relationship orientation. It means when someone says they don't respect you because of yours that you'll be understanding and not have an issue with it either.

But when it comes to checking someone out or feeling aroused, I can go on immediate carnal stimulation as much as the enxt person. :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MsCara)

Post #: 48

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/13/2007 3:01:26 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I admire the honesty at least that you don't respect someone because of their relationship orientation. It means when someone says they don't respect you because of yours that you'll be understanding and not have an issue with it either.

But when it comes to checking someone out or feeling aroused, I can go on immediate carnal stimulation as much as the enxt person. :)

*snicker* That made my day. Thanks.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 49

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/13/2007 6:18:33 PM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

Maybe I should explain a little?

I know not all vanilla males are bad, just like I know not all dominant males are good. I am fine with anyone who is what they claim to be; if someone says to me “I’m just a big kid and behaves that way, I’m ok. If someone says they are chief to the tribe and isn’t anymore mature then the youngest of the Indians, I have a problem.

The OPS manager where I work is one of those later types. He will call for me, tell me we, (which usually means me), need to do something; if he either stands there and watches me while I do the job, or I find him reading a magazine when I’m done, (all things that have happened), I’m not going to be happy camper.

I feel this way about anyone, male, female, vanilla, lifestyle. I just find it more in vanilla men then any other group. I believe a lot of it has to do with my expectations of said person or group, and what they lead me to believe I can expect. Too many offenses and I loose respect. I have been disappointed by a lot of vanilla men.

I do look, and even find some vanilla men attractive, but since I’ve been in a D/s relationship, I have realized what was missing to keep the fire burning. D/s is what does it for me; the vanilla men I know think D/s is force and kinky sex, that's not how i see it.

Another manager where I work, who knows of my interests, often tries to “play” Dom, he’s just flirting, which I think is cute, but I just shake my head, thinking, you just don’t get it. Then again, the reason he knows, is because I felt I had to say something when he kept asking me if I wanted to spank him.

k

< Message edited by KeirasSecret -- 5/13/2007 6:21:12 PM >

(in reply to KeirasSecret)

Post #: 50

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/14/2007 2:57:47 AM

MsCara

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/26/2004
Status: offline

I am not saying there are not "good" vanilla men .. I am sure there are. There are many that are dominant in nature .. thats the way life is. I am saying for me I cannot take them seriously in personal interactions. I have no interest in sex for the "sake" of vanilla sex. I am about control .. control that I do not see in nillas. Control without follow up is a sad attempt in my book. So when I say I have so respect I mean in the D/s way. I find nilla men easy to manipulate .. even in the business world. Perhaps it is because I too have a lot of confidence around them. If a man says, "maybe we should go for dinner" my response would be, "why?" I have had nilla men tell me .. "there is something diferent about you and I can't figure it out", <grins> ... you don't want to know ... there is more to D/s than bdsm ... anyone can (if they want) fling around a flogger ... it is about (to coin a cliche') ... heart, body and soul. I find nilla men just do not follow that. Okay ... some D/s men don't either .. but at least with them I know where the field is. <whew> off to work I go !! Take care today everyone ... smiles.

(in reply to KeirasSecret)

Post #: 51

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/14/2007 3:17:50 AM

hiddendesires2

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/3/2005
Status: offline

I aslo tend to look at vanilla men as weak. I don't date vanilla at all anymore. Simply dosen't excite me.

(in reply to MsCara)

Post #: 52

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/14/2007 4:37:09 AM

Master96

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Oh heck. I flirt with most males. It isn't a sexual come'on for me, it is just how I relate to men. I find males are charming almost from birth. It is natural for me to smile more, be playful, ect, with most of the male sex, regardless of age, or sexuality.
I plain out love them.
Nilla, young, old, twisted, means nothing to me unless I am in a relationship with them. As far as I am concerned, men are just marvelous!
Kyst

This is beautiful. I fell the same about Women :)

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 53

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/14/2007 4:48:52 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

I dont see vanilla men as weak and will flirt with them if I am bored or think they are cute but its just a game. I have enjoyed dating vanilla men but I often found myself disapointed because they usually put themselves 1st and I dont like that. That said a couple of them were real gentlemen. I dont think they are weak they just dont dance to my beat and that makes me uninterested.
Its fun on a night out though to tease vanilla men and then scare them when you whisper in their ear you have a 6inch strap on at home with their name on and watching them run

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 54

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/14/2007 7:37:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

It's amusing that you think dominants aren't easy to manipulate. Most of them are quite.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 55

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/14/2007 7:55:44 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Oh I didnt mean that L.A

I'm pretty sure most people are easy to manipulate my um does it to me evry day lol

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 56

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/14/2007 8:10:22 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Interesting thread though really narrow with gender and sexuality.

I guess I see almost all men and fairly weak and easily manipulated, their penises generally lead them. Regardless of vanilla or not. All one has to do to see it in online action is watch the "Introduce yourself" thread when a new pretty young girl appears or know one that creates a new profile on this site.

I am not saying there are not alot of women, vanilla or otherwise, that are just as two dimensional and boring to ME.......just that, in my experience, men are moreso. Fun to toy with briefly, then boredom soon strikes. I will end up thinking to myself "Is that all you've got?!?!?"

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 57

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/14/2007 8:15:17 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Just the fast reply. I didn't read the whole thread.

I think it has changed the way I look at (most) vanilla men. Somehow, I view them as weaker. There is an intesity in males involved in BDSM that I just don't see in people who are not a part of the lifestyle. I think it takes a very strong personality to handle being a submissive male. Vanilla men just don't hit that high of a standard.

(in reply to MsCara)

Post #: 58

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/14/2007 9:58:42 AM

sunfleur

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline

yes it has, in a number of ways.
first, i can spot a user/faker much faster now than before. that's probably due to experiences online, not so much just in the bdsm community.

i look for Dominant qualities and have been pleasantly surprised when i've found them, and reached the point where i could say "you're talking like a Dominant".. and they reply, "yes girl, you're right" (love it when that happens!)

(in reply to MsCara)

Post #: 59

RE: Question for the women .. - 5/14/2007 10:45:46 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCara

Just a question .. I am curious .. I know, it killed the cat. I pose this question to the women on the board. Has the way you "look", "feel", "relate" to men in this way of living affected the way you "look" at vanilla men? I don't necessarily mean in a relationship .. just in general ..

C.

Not just men but also women and folks who do not neatly fall into those two groups.

I'm a lot less tolerant of BS and power games now than I was before I "discovered" BDSM for myself. I see power dynamics everywhere and I alway wonder about consent.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MsCara)

Post #: 60

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