When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far?

Join Our Community

As the Collar Turns:

Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home Login Event Calendars Search

When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/11/2005 12:46:18 PM

carefulsub

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline

I am curious. I have recently ran into several submissives that have had horrible experiences with Dom/Masters. I personally have had wonderful caring Dom/Masters. But I have met several young submissives that have been scared and told they were going to do whatever these Dom/Masters wanted.

I am concerned for their safety. When safewords are disreguarded or the submissive is made to feel that safewording is being a baby (so she will not use it the next time) this is dangerous. I wish I could show these girls how wonderful a Dom/Master could be, but they now have this scewed idea of what a Dom/Master is supposed to be.

Then these giels are told they are not to talk to anyone about their experiences. Even after they have left these Dom/Masters care. I enjoy sharing my submissive experiences with my sister submissives and find it gives me perspective at times. I can not understand why a Dom/Master would want to hide in such a manner? or want me to hide in this manner? So these girls don't feel like thay can speak to anyone about what is happening... Also these girls are all Novices so they do not know that there are other submissives out there that they can ask questions of. These girls are then isilated.

I have always believed that this relationship could be a wonderful adventure for the submissive into a world that is both loving as well as interesting. What should I tell these girls?

careful

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/11/2005 1:12:41 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Remind them that their relationships are their choices and should serve to fulfill everyone involved in them. Remind them that dominants are just like everyone else, some are dorks and assholes. Remind them that this is real life and they should treat it just like they would in a vanilla relationship and let go of all their illusions.

It won't really change much, but perhaps a few will make a few less hard knocks and be a little less prone to mistakes.

(in reply to carefulsub)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/11/2005 3:22:17 PM

carefulsub

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline

These Dom/Masters are, from what I can gather are telling these girls that this is what this lifestyle is all about... There are so many facets to this life that I find it disgusting.

careful

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/11/2005 5:14:40 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 616
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

What would you tell a friend who was in a bad (read abusive) marriage? Or relationship? What would you tell your daughter about a guy who she lets beat her up?

No, this is not normal. Those 'Doms' are very worried indeed that this will get reported to the authorties, and probably with just cause. Sit down with these girls individually and explain the difference to them between a Dom and a perverted sick-o. See if they were really being abused or if this is just a wanna-be Dom who is afraid that someone else will find out that he doesn't know his own ass form a hole in the ground.

Either way, tell them that this is NOT normal and they should move out and move on. Maybe you could talk in detail about some of your experiences and the experiences of others you know. Convince them that 'Sub' does not equal 'doormat' or anything similar and try to help them.

You might even get them to check in here as a guest and read. That alone could be very enlightening.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly!!!

(in reply to carefulsub)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/11/2005 5:41:12 PM

subcheryl

Posts: 273
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves

What would you tell a friend who was in a bad (read abusive) marriage? Or relationship? What would you tell your daughter about a guy who she lets beat her up?

No, this is not normal. Those 'Doms' are very worried indeed that this will get reported to the authorties, and probably with just cause. Sit down with these girls individually and explain the difference to them between a Dom and a perverted sick-o. See if they were really being abused or if this is just a wanna-be Dom who is afraid that someone else will find out that he doesn't know his own ass form a hole in the ground.

Either way, tell them that this is NOT normal and they should move out and move on. Maybe you could talk in detail about some of your experiences and the experiences of others you know. Convince them that 'Sub' does not equal 'doormat' or anything similar and try to help them.

You might even get them to check in here as a guest and read. That alone could be very enlightening.

I agree with you totally here, perhaps she could be like a mentor submissive to these women, also I found it very helpful to be here during my search for Master, and learned alot. Yes I made some mistakes, but the worst one cost me 400 dollars but now I look at it as money well spent the jerk of a dom came and stayed for a couple of weeks took off to help some friends in florida and needed the money for bus money back, yep I haven't seen him since and am well glad I haven't.

(in reply to OscarHargraves)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/12/2005 1:07:43 AM

lordboundheart

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/3/2004
Status: offline

it is so hard to help some of these girls. One, because they are novices and have less experience in the lifestyle, and because they are very often younger and dont even have life experience. It is in my opinion, a big red flag whenever a Dom/me asks or commands his keep to be quiet about what they do and not to talk to others. shhhh Its a secret is very much what pedophiles use with small children. I feel that anyone who tells their "trainee" to do so, is in fact afraid of being discovered by someone who knows their way around, or they fear that someone with a little more experience may start to influence the submissive and wake them up to their antics. Any time a Dom injures someone, its either an accident or a loss of control. An accident is just that, we have all hurt someone out of loss of concentration, or the like. Loss of control however is a much more serious issue. And any time a Dom has a loss of control like that, he needs to be upfront about it and deal with it.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/12/2005 5:33:18 AM

Dr24

Posts: 25
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline

Yip this is pretty much the discussion me and angel were having in "what was I thinking" under the 'ask a sub' threads .. sadly there are those out there who are just sick phucks and find delight in beating the shit outta people under the flag of bdsm ... I feel when the general respect, fun games and sexual pleasure for BOTH parties is not there then you know there is something wrong! I mean I dont care what you are into if a dom is not treating you like a human being (and its not a game) then the dom has serious issues that need to be looked at by a professional!

(in reply to lordboundheart)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/12/2005 8:42:12 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 371
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: carefulsub

When safewords are disreguarded

To me being in a D/s BDSM relationship is like being under a contract. Things are negotiated out, both sides agree to the terms and then activities commence. When either side breaks the terms of that contract, the contract is now null and void.

I consider ignoring the safeword and/or limits to be a HUGE breach of contract. Bottom line, it shows that the Dom does not respect the submissive and in most cases will only escalate.

Cutting off contact with outside people is a tool that abusers use. Another fact is that news of a Dom that ignores limits and safewords spreads very quickly within a community unless a Dom can convince the sub not to talk. The most likely person to be cowed into not talking is a novice. I bet if one of these subs did start talking, they'd find out they weren't the first.

This is one of the reasons why I think mentors within your own community are important.

_____________________________

Bobbi

(in reply to carefulsub)

Profile

Post #: 8