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No kink? - 2/11/2006 12:16:27 AM

Crazytwice

Posts: 141
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: North of Boston
Status: offline

For a submissive seeking a long-term relationship, it's been advised not to discuss sex or kink with potential doms for at least 2 weeks while communicating; say, when writing each other daily.

This seems like yet another arbitrary rule that we new subs should follow.

Any thoughts on this? would appreciate input from both subs and doms.

Thanks.

_____________________________

"If you build it, he will come"
~Field of Dreams~

Post #: 1

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 12:40:14 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 703
Joined: 1/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

For a submissive seeking a long-term relationship, it's been advised not to discuss sex or kink with potential doms for at least 2 weeks while communicating; say, when writing each other daily.

This seems like yet another arbitrary rule that we new subs should follow.

Any thoughts on this? would appreciate input from both subs and doms.

Thanks.

Damn it. Someone added another notation to the Big Book of Submissives Rules and didn't give me the memo.

My thoughts.. go at the pace which feels comfortable for you.. whether that's 2 hours or 2 months. I don't know how all these finite dates keep getting pulled out of the air, but, basically, they're pretty ridiculous. Someone may be ready to jump in day one, where someone else might need a few years. Hell, if I had waited before jumping in with both feet I might have talked myself out of what has been an incredible journey and missed out on a whole lot of fun in the process. We come in here fully formed adult humans. A little common sense goes a looong way if everyone just keeps that in mind.

Celeste

_____________________________

I wasn't there. I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. I wanna lawyer!

(in reply to Crazytwice)

Post #: 2

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 1:10:44 AM

Crazytwice

Posts: 141
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: North of Boston
Status: offline

Thank you, Celeste.

Seems like a sensible answer to me.
I guess this memo in the 'book of rules" was written to assist us in weeding out the HNGs.

_____________________________

"If you build it, he will come"
~Field of Dreams~

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 3

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 2:04:06 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 681
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Hard and fast 'rules' never work because each person, each situation is diffrent. Each conversation will take its own course and move at its own pace. It isn't difficult to spot the diffrence between someone who simply wants to jump straight into a discussion about sex and a conversation that naturaly turns that way.

Nearest to a 'rule' I have.... if it feels right then there probably isn't a problem, if it stops feeling right then it is time to work out WHY it isn't feeling right and check if there IS a problem.

(in reply to Crazytwice)

Post #: 4

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 2:23:26 AM

Focus50

Posts: 423
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

I dunno about a hard and fast rule but it sounds like well-intended, sensible advice for any female who's sick of timewasting Net geeks who just wanna get their jollies off with some online wanking fantasy. I find most fem/subs I've corresponded with to be sincere people looking for something more than a macho "kneel bitch" dom barking orders. Most of those wankers lose interest quickly if you don't cater to their "needs" and I'd reckon this is the genesis of this "arbitrary rule"....

It's good advice but you're not obligated to follow.... By all means bow to any stranger who only cares you identify as submissive and doesn't wanna know that you're a mature adult with feelings and a life, too - if it gets you off as well.

Focus.

(in reply to Crazytwice)

Post #: 5

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 2:37:54 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 688
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Damn it. Someone added another notation to the Big Book of Submissives Rules and didn't give me the memo.

My thoughts.. go at the pace which feels comfortable for you.. whether that's 2 hours or 2 months. I don't know how all these finite dates keep getting pulled out of the air, but, basically, they're pretty ridiculous. Someone may be ready to jump in day one, where someone else might need a few years. Hell, if I had waited before jumping in with both feet I might have talked myself out of what has been an incredible journey and missed out on a whole lot of fun in the process. We come in here fully formed adult humans. A little common sense goes a looong way if everyone just keeps that in mind.

Celeste

Amen. i echo everything you just said. \

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 6

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 5:03:21 AM

Slaveless1

Posts: 47
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Crazytwice

For a submissive seeking a long-term relationship, it's been advised not to discuss sex or kink with potential doms for at least 2 weeks while communicating; say, when writing each other daily.

This seems like yet another arbitrary rule that we new subs should follow.

Thanks.

Wish someone would print the dang book out so I can follow all the arbitrary rules that seem to pop up all the itme. One person says something and all of a sudden it is a "rule"....LOL

Forget all the so called rules and go with your gut instinct. What might work for one won't work for another in same situation. You can talk of any thing you choose to as long as it is mutual. It is not like your in front of them submitting to them. If you do nto feel comfortable with it , politely tell him/her goodbye and block that simple no rules needed!

(in reply to Crazytwice)

Post #: 7

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 5:54:41 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 1767
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

Wish someone would print the dang book out so I can follow all the arbitrary rules that seem to pop up all the itme. One person says something and all of a sudden it is a "rule"....LOL

No worries Slaveless1, I have the book and it magically changes on a daily basis. I have tried to get my money back several times.
/nods

As everyone has said Crazytwice, go at your own pace, and do what is comfortable only for YOU.

_____________________________

"I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful, beautiful life"
Daryl Worley

(in reply to Slaveless1)

Post #: 8

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 5:58:29 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I don't know why there has to be "rules" about communicating with people. Let things evolve the way they are meant to. Your communication will be different depending on the other person. Sometimes you find an immediate, wonderful, level of openess (oh happy day!); sometimes it's a bit more difficult.

_____________________________

Will you show me something that nobody else has seen?
- R.E.M.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 9

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 6:07:28 AM

windchymes

Posts: 517
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

I think two weeks is a little extreme to completely avoid talking about BDSM, when it's blatently clear it's the kind of relationship you're obviously looking for. I don't have a problem BRIEFLY touching on basic likes, dislikes and preferences.
And I don't mind discussing BDSM theory and practices from a non-sexual viewpoint.

However, I try to engage a potential in regular conversation to find out about the person FIRST. If he won't answer those questions, or gives a brief answer and doesn't ask me similar questions, but rather, keeps turning the conversation back to cheesy questions or his requirments for a partner, like "What color are your nipples? Are you shaved completely right now because I will insist that you do." If it appears to be all about him, then I go bye bye.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 10

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 6:16:07 AM

DelRey

Posts: 153
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

did someone put a new parental filter on this site and not tell me ????

lets see, if you met on this site, you met because of Sex and Kink. Now you don't want to discuss it until the next lunar phase?

I thought we were adults here. Talk about sex and or anything else you want without applying any adolescent waiting period.

If it is appropriate where the timing and mood is right, what is the problem ?

Don't we live by enough rules ?

(in reply to Crazytwice)

Post #: 11

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 6:31:23 AM

fastlane

Posts: 1386
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Geez, who made up that rule?
No kink, is like no creamy filling in the middle of the twinkie.....which feels so good when you hollow out one end and insert.......ooops, you said no kink, right?

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 12

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 6:43:57 AM

windchymes

Posts: 517
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

did someone put a new parental filter on this site and not tell me ????

lets see, if you met on this site, you met because of Sex and Kink. Now you don't want to discuss it until the next lunar phase?

I thought we were adults here. Talk about sex and or anything else you want without applying any adolescent waiting period.

If it is appropriate where the timing and mood is right, what is the problem ?

Don't we live by enough rules ?

Oh, you can never have too many rules. It's so much fun breaking them!

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 13

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 7:02:37 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 332
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline

Actually...

it's some advice that was given to me, which I have passed on from time to time...

No biggie. Everyone needs to go at their own pace. And yes, this is a bdsm site, and yes, (for me at least) sex would be involved, but...the sex would only happen if there were other connections.

A friendship at the VERY least...and hopefully much more. I find that if we begin by talking about kink, it's v difficult to develop the type of relationship I am looking for. But, that's just me...

I honestly don't have the time or the inclination to learn the 'kinks' of everyone who writes to me. Nor do I wish to share mine with everyone...I prefer to keep it rather private...but then again, I can be kind of shy. (hard to believe, I know!)

Ya'll have a great day!

Christina

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 14

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 9:18:13 AM

amayos

Posts: 473
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England (living in New Hampshire)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I don't know why there has to be "rules" about communicating with people. Let things evolve the way they are meant to. Your communication will be different depending on the other person. Sometimes you find an immediate, wonderful, level of openess (oh happy day!); sometimes it's a bit more difficult.

Hear, hear!

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 15

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 9:54:21 AM

Crazytwice

Posts: 141
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: North of Boston
Status: offline

Thanks to all for your replies.

It was, believe it or not, a serious question. I agree that this site is BDSM, after all, and most dom/mes are eager to find out if there is compatability in that area, so an avoidance of discussing that subject altogether would certainly be a hindrance to starting a potential relationship. Asking personal info such as the color of my nipples or continually avoiding the smalltalk necessary in getting to know someone would certainly be a redflag and I would have no problem clicking them away.

But I have some problem with well-intentioned guidance set up as rules. Just when I thought i had a good grasp on what approach would work best for me, another new rule is suggested.

CT

_____________________________

"If you build it, he will come"
~Field of Dreams~

(in reply to Crazytwice)

Post #: 16

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 9:56:20 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 1767
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

Crazytwice...one thing I go by...

the only rules worth following are the ones that you set for yourself.

They may change over time, but you are the one who sets them.

_____________________________

"I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful, beautiful life"
Daryl Worley

(in reply to Crazytwice)

Post #: 17

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 10:55:06 AM

foxglove716

Posts: 588
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

Jeez! Remember when internet dating semi new and they told you to e mail for a good few months before meeting? Now they tell you to meet in two weeks! I was reading some articles fome cosmopolitan online (yeah yeah great source i know) and one article said that women should *never* give out their home phone number for safety reasons. Another article said women should demand a man's home phone number because if he doesnt give it to you he is probably married. (what about mens safety? I know a lot of crazy broads out there

) It also said if he wants to meet immediately hes a fake. If he puts off meeting then he is also a fake. Cripes, if I wanted to walk tightropes I would have joined the circus!

The no kink for two weeks rule? I personally abide by that rule, but thats just me. I like to get to know someone before I get to know their kinks. (allthough it could be argued that if you *really* want to get to know someone, know their bedroom behaviour!) I can also understand how people wouldnt want to waste time with someone whose kinks werent compatible with theirs. But, Im pretty kink adaptible with only a few hard limits. However I am *not* asshole adaptible, so I would rather get to know someones personality first

_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

(in reply to Crazytwice)

Post #: 18

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 1:43:17 PM

DelRey

Posts: 153
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Crazytwice...one thing I go by...

the only rules worth following are the ones that you set for yourself.

They may change over time, but you are the one who sets them.

I'm thinking you agreed with me again... ~smirking

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 19

RE: No kink? - 2/11/2006 2:22:08 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 476
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane
No kink, is like no creamy filling in the middle of the twinkie.....

I have to say this puts it neatly for me...I have no way of knowing if there will be any chemistry between me and a man I'm talking to unless he displays a little of his dominant side...That's what flips my trigger, that's what gets my attention...

I don't do online D/s nor do I jump in and submit on first contact but unless there's a little of that D/s tension...I'm likely to be bored instead of intriqued.

What's wrong with some good old flirting? Nothing gets my blood going like a man saying, "If you were mine, I'd just have to spank you for that!" ...

::melt::

Heck I'm smart enough to know when to put that feeling to the test and when to pass.

But, that's ME...YMMV

Cin

_____________________________

quote:

Merriam-Webster defines KINK as a clever, unusual way of doing something...and I'm okay with that!
~ Me ~

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 20

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