Appropriate topping from the bottom?

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Appropriate topping from the bottom? - 8/7/2005 5:40:51 PM

Davesgirl

Posts: 89
Joined: 5/13/2005
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Curious about this, as I've read through some of the past posts on the subject of topping from the bottom. I've found a plethora of things a sub should not do. I was curious, however, about what sort of things that most Tops do not neccessarily mind a sub doing, especially if/when the Top is relatively inexperienced?

I have realized that timing and attitude are of the utmost in this aspect...But, are there things that you wished your sub had told you? Or shown you? If, for example, the sub was more experienced? I guess my question is..What are appropriate methods of topping from the bottom, without undermining the Tops dominance and authority?

I hope I was pretty clear with this, I have a tendancy to ramble off course at times. Thanks everyone!

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RE: Appropriate topping from the bottom? - 8/7/2005 5:58:54 PM

Sabella

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Well - My take is that communication is your #1 guide. Especially if the "top" is inexperienced they both should go over a slew of things before they ever hit the scene. Likes, dislikes, will do, won't do, interests, ect. An honest "hold up we need to talk about this" to ME and in my relationship wouldn't ever be cause for a meltdown - it's just the truth. And if it's important enough to interrupt the play then it's very important enough to talk about it.

A genuine concern, discomfort level, or fear should never undermine the Top's dominance & authority - if they see it as such then there is a problem, IMHO. Again - one that needs to be talked about.

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“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
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RE: Appropriate topping from the bottom? - 8/7/2005 5:59:45 PM

Faramir

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Joined: 2/12/2005
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Talking, asking, sharing, hoping - all that is good.

I feel super-duper about SMS asking me for what she wants, and then saying yes, no, later, etc to it as appropriate.

When I think of topping from the bottom I think of manipulation and power struggle, vice power exchange.

I don't think there is ever a time I want her topping from the bottom. But I want her talking to me and sharing and being in truting love with me all the time. If I want her quiet at a specific time I can say, "Shut up, cunt" and she will gracefully do so.

In summation: There is no appropriate topping from the bottom, but loving, honest respectful communication is always appropriate.

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RE: Appropriate topping from the bottom? - 8/7/2005 6:13:56 PM

Niran

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

When I think of topping from the bottom I think of manipulation and power struggle, vice power exchange.

Exactly.

e and I had this talk last night. We went out to dinner. He asked where I wanted to go, and I hemmed and hawed. To be honest, I didnt know where I wanted to go. So he drove us to Outback after an ad on the radio. Later he asked if he was in "trouble" for just making that decision. I did not state that there was a specific resturant that I wanted to go to. So he made a decision. There is a difference between initiative and topping from the bottom. In our relationship, that invovles pouting, not listening, making demands (requests are different) You see where I am going? Would he have been in trouble if we had gotten in the car and just headed there without asking? Yes. But he did ask where I wanted to go. As I had given no clear instruction, he took initiative. I like that.

Niran

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RE: Appropriate topping from the bottom? - 8/7/2005 6:28:38 PM

Fidelity

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I love hearing ideas and suggestions. Not a problem ,I encourage it.

Just don't tell me I HAVE to act on them.

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RE: Appropriate topping from the bottom? - 8/7/2005 7:00:17 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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Topping from the bottom is usually noted to mean specific manipulation on the part of the bottom to get what the bottom wants, no matter what the dominant wants, and usually pains are taken to try and avoid the top KNOWING they are trying to do this.

Teaching the dom something, offering something, openly asking to help out, or even being in control is NOT topping, and not topping from the bottom. For example, the Owner told me to take care of plans for my birthday. I was in control of the plans and did what I wanted, but it was within what he wanted to have happen, he delegated to me.

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RE: Appropriate topping from the bottom? - 8/7/2005 11:28:55 PM

FangsNfeet

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I'd like for you to remember on thing,

Some people are just masochist. Masochisim does not have to equal submissivness. If you demand pain, then I'm sure you can find a submissive sadist to give it to you. Some ppl just want to scene/session for a Sadist/Masochist relationship leaving out the Dom/sub idea.

Dose this help explain anything to you?

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RE: Appropriate topping from the bottom? - 8/16/2005 11:41:19 AM

Davesgirl

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Thanks everyone for your advice. Fangs, Im not entirely sure what you meant, but IM figuring it out

My biggest concern, and heance my reason for asking, is because my Master is quite inexperienced, and Im looking for ways to possibly motivate and encourage him, without coming across as trying to challenge his authority.

Thank you everyone

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RE: Appropriate topping from the bottom? - 8/16/2005 1:55:45 PM

IronBear

Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

Talking, asking, sharing, hoping - all that is good.

I feel super-duper about SMS asking me for what she wants, and then saying yes, no, later, etc to it as appropriate.

When I think of topping from the bottom I think of manipulation and power struggle, vice power exchange.

I don't think there is ever a time I want her topping from the bottom. But I want her talking to me and sharing and being in truting love with me all the time. If I want her quiet at a specific time I can say, "Shut up, cunt" and she will gracefully do so.

In summation: There is no appropriate topping from the bottom, but loving, honest respectful communication is always appropriate.

Excelently written! I concur.

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Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear

Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........

The Incorrigible, irrepressible, irreverent grizzly

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RE: Appropriate topping from the bottom? - 8/16/2005 2:24:48 PM

anopheles

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Topping from the bottom, I think can take many forms, but the particular arrangement of the Dominant and submissive plays a large role. Like others have said, if you are in a TPE, then any resistance from the submissive may not be the agreed upon relationship. Questioning in these instances might be considered topping from the bottom. If you have a "softer" relationship then suggestions may be welcomed and often times encouraged. I quiz my Luvdragon incessantly, because I am very interested in how her mind works, that's one of her best way of satisfying me. Manipulation though, trying to bend someone to your will through subversion, I don't feel should have a role in any level of power exchange relationship. As a Dominant, I'll say what I want, and I demand that it be done. As a submissive, you should be able to say what you need, and as a guide and protector, I should do my best to fulfill, as long as it's possible and doesn't endanger or diminish.

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RE: Appropriate topping from the bottom? - 8/16/2005 2:30:22 PM

Tempestspet

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If it's "necessary" topping from the bottom....

Would it really be topping from the bottom?

If it's necessary, then it's just something that needs to be done. Whatever the activity involved is. It isn't always so cut and dry, rule book kinda stuff.

Tempest's pet
jennifer

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